NÓtsyor:_honest_reflections

Talking To The Wall

2011-06-25T11:09:00.001+08:00

I wonder if anyone actually reads my blog. sometimes i feel like nobody cares. let me know if you read this.

Promotion

2011-06-25T10:56:00.002+08:00

Well, yesterday was the day... Many of my friends got promoted to 3rd sergeant rank. oklabye im still stuck in the corner.

rushed down from camp with Boo and tried to call a cab... waited for a good half hour before we actually confirm one coming... 2 bars of battery on my phone gone... when we reached the parade, we made it just in time to see the last golden bayonet return to his contingent, then after that was to go down and wear the ranks for our friends! we were that late!!! haha but lucky we still got there in the nick of time...

sigh.. seeing them get the rank change... i felt happy for them.. and proud... but then there was another feeling that i tagged along... awkwardness.. i was like the only person on that parade square who was not qualified to be standing there... everyone running around, taking pictures, living their moment, and me, a private who failed my ippt, kinda extra and out of place.

will this change how the friendship lasts? will there be the invisible line? maybe not to you, but i may be the only one who see it. try to make me NOT see it... better yet, try to make me cross it...

Congratulations, Transport!

2011-06-17T20:11:00.001+08:00

My heartiest congratulations to my friends Aron, wei Xiang, long feng, Attlee, Dennis, ding and all others who turned corporal this week and will turn 3rd sergeant next week... And to those who enlist in November, Mingkai and all, don't be too down ur turn will come... I don't know if I can say the same for me or not... Failed ippt, I go to CAT term to make a mockery out of myself. I left gedong as a private to get promoted, I'll return to gedong as a private. Laughing stock. True story.

Anyway to my friends I've mentioned and if u read this, I can't believe you all are no longer privates.. I can't believe that in a few days I will have to call u sgt... We've toiled hard together, but some didn't make it through... Just don't forget me... And don't play rank around me... U know I hate being left out right... Well if we're friends enough you wouldn't anyway...

Weekend

2011-06-05T19:29:00.001+08:00

It was nice to meet up with the Tpt clique over the weekend.. Or what's left of it of who bothered... And also Brian jj hiro and Ezra!! To celebrate jun's 21st!!

The King Has Donkey Ears

2011-06-02T17:55:00.003+08:00

That's it! I shall give a nickname "blowing the reed flute" as a metaphor of "I have just blogged"!!!

Why, u may ask?

The legend from ancient Greek mythology of King Midas. There are many versions, but I recall the one I know of as a little kid.

King Midas did some stupid stuff that made the gods grant him donkey ears. Embarrassed, he hid them in a tall crown that nobody would see them.

Nobody, it seems, except for his barber, as the crown was to be removed when the the king had his haircut. The king made the barber promise that he was to keep the secret to himself, else the death of his own.

The barber did his best to hold it in, but one day he just couldnt keep it any more. he dug a hole in the ground and whispered into the earth. But he forgot that the earth was of woman and could never keep secrets.

Next spring, on the plot of land where the hole was dug before, a bed of reeds grew. A passing musician took a rest at beside the reeds, and choose the biggest, sturdiest reed and made it into a flute. The flute played music so beautiful that could make even the biggest of grown men's hearts melt.

Word got out of his music and the musician's name spread all the way to the palace of King Midas. King Midas wanted to hear the music for himself, and invited the musician to the palace to play for him.

when the musician arrived and started to play for the king, a strange voice started to sing "The King has donkey ears! The King has donkey ears!". The king was appalled but public pressure started to grow and demanded for him remove his crown to show them if he did or not have donkey ears.

the king unwillingly removed his crown to the gasp of many. but after a moment of silence, the crowd started to accept him and his ears, for they loved him as their king and not for his looks.

The morale of the story: See with your heart

ok i admit i got tired of typing out the story so i just ended it quickly. hehhh..

yea.. and hence, any references to "blowing a reed flute" or"whispering to the ground" or those sorts just means i just blogged. :)

Lonely

2011-06-02T14:30:00.001+08:00

I've been given 2 days off. No need to go camp. Long weekend. But what's it for? It's useless when no one is at home. Mom is in china, brother's flying off to Bangkok. My best friends are in camp, and even if they have off tomorrow also, what's the point? When they have postings together but I'll be somewhat alone in a far off, secluded place?

I'm lonely. No family no friends beside me. Dropped from a real high to a real low.

I need to pour this out

2011-06-01T22:30:00.003+08:00

I'm typing here hoping no one will read this and know but i just want to let it out.

well once again, its been almost a whole year (less 18 days to be exact) since i last posted... i almost forgot who i was talking about in the previous post...

anywhos, i got my posting today to my new camp. mixed feelings. i know that it is not so bad, but it is definitely not the popular choice because of its distance away from civilisation. probably 10 billion light years from the nearest shopping mall...

and when i found out about my good friends' postings, and that they actually managed to choose somehow, and they've all got good heartland locations so near their own house, i think im jealous.

i dont want to confine my life to the jungles of where i'll be posted to. going home or anywhere else for that matter is a bitch. as so my brother has experienced for very much of his own NS life. and he has told me that my job there is not easy. taxing, in fact. due to the heavy traffic that is required at that particular camp. that sucks. big time.

not helping.

sigh. i dont know la. this whole week seems so abrupt that somehow there was comfort in knowing what my posting was. i know i know this just contradicts everything i said before. hear me out.

after summary exercise last week we were all so high and bonded as a course already, not only just the trainees, but also with the trainers. then came graduation on monday, we were all aware that time was short but we still lived life to the fullest anyways. tuesday came, so did our last ippt. i failed my sbj by 4cm. bummer. that also smeared the CAT term chances. did i mention tuesday was the last official day together? so i was emoing, that the wonderful time weve had, the best 5 months ive had in years, had to come to an end.

and i took it hard.

and then we had the news that our posting orders were out, and we had to report to our new units the very next day (today). which ultimately spelt the end to our time together. confirm. worse news: i was posted to a unit without anyone of my other 7 clique members. out of 3 possible units, not one with me. fml.

then also came today when we were further posted to our camps that we supporting. i got my news of the dreaded camp. but by now i was so mentally and emotionally exhausted, i just want to get it over and done with. just tell me my new camp and let me go.

yea. so it was like that. tired. and lonely. and jealous, that while others have their best friends beside them, i'm all alone. ok maybe i got KC with me, but he's leaving halfway...

nuff said, tired.

maybe i should restart this blog heh?

Shocked, Disappointed, But Nothing To Do But To Suck Thumb.

2010-06-19T01:49:00.003+08:00

i just discovered something shocking today. something very big in someone elses life, and has nothing to do with me. but in such situations, if you are his good friend, you would show concern.

and for me to find out this way, i'm sorry, it is my fault. ur reaction shocked me and puzzled me at first.

but i must say i am disappointed that you chose to keep it quiet... what are friends for? since 5 days ago?! and you came back and did not tell us?! mad much!

but you must have your reasons. and as your friend, i shall honour that. i shall not tell the rest about what i found out.

and i must apologize to you again, for what i did was rather wrong of me. there's nothing much i can do, now that i know only after everything is over. you also dont talk to me often... all i can do is to offer you an open door if in any case u need someone, somewhere to pour out into. so, yes, my gates are open... dont need to hide behind that chauvinist mask, and let it out if you need to. everyone is weak inside, i understand and as a good friend, i will not judge you. i'll be there for you, cos u're there for me too...

selfish, i have been in the past, and i just realised it, when our roles were switched. ur mouth opened. mine didnt. so so sorry. i'll make amends by offering myself to be a pillar of support for you if you need.

sigh...

u know who u are when u read this, if you ever read this.

Surprise!

2010-06-10T20:00:00.002+08:00

OMG JJ called~!! surprise!!!

and i'm glad to know he did... cos i found out that brian told him there was something wrong with me, and that i've been down the past few days... so despite bein so tired, jj cared n called me to se how i wsa doing..

Thanks Jun!!!

Nervous Breakdown

2010-06-07T02:17:00.004+08:00

I finally know why i reacted the way i did and hurt everyone else...

i had a nervous breakdown over the past week...

all in all, there were many things that led up to my breakdown of anxiety and gave me a smack right in the face that said "hey, your NS is coming and its coming fast, WAKE UP". and that didnt go down well... believe me, it took me down very quickly, very hard...

here are some of the things that led to it all.. if you are following me on twitter, you may have read them online before..:

I'm starting to realise that time is short and is growing ever shorter for me... when i had to plan for my work schedule, as to when i will stop work for NS, and the whole process of making it official, calling the boss up and telling him, and then realising what it all meant..
i started to feel guilty that i have not been following my gym plan and diet plans to loose weight... and now that i've lost my gym buddy, its far worse....
I regret that i have not been trying to control my health status in the past 20 years of my life, and now i've got to suffer for it...
Jee Jun. my best friend... he got enlisted, and that was a MAJOR wake up call for me that my turn is coming soon... the thought of him in green and shaven head, crawling on the ground and being a soldier, makes me very nervous, like a "i cant believe its real" moment. and that hits really hard on you... and i was worried for him as much as i was worried for myself... and to make matters worse, i didnt get any news from him ever since he enlisted on thursday... despite trying to contact him, asking him to call me, he didnt call me back, not even reply my smses... i needed to know he is safe, that it is safe, from his own mouth...
Jee Jun, once again, for i felt guilty for missing out on his final farewell when he invited us to his house, just because i got to work... i guess i felt that i should have been there for him... whether or not he needed it... for him, and for me, knowing that he'll be there for me too...

call me paranoid, but when things really happens, it hits hard...

then came the incident of my brother's commissioning parade.. my mom had hinted she didnt want to go and wanted to perform at the event instead... whether it was a hint or a passing remark, i'd never know, but all i know is it opened up a giant hole in my security and my foundations... on the surface, i wanted my mother to go, to show support for my brother who has toiled for a whole year sacrificing sweat, blood and even almost life, just for that one-bar rank... on the surface, i wanted my mother to attend with her whole heart, even though me and my sister could not... and it lead to a major, serious argument where words that should not have been said were said, questions that should not have been raised were raised... and that lead to a 2-day cold war.

and at that point in time, the common consensus was that the 4 of us would attend the parade, and then me and my sis would skip the dinner and rush down to perform. but then when the news came that we had to skip the whole parade altogether, me and my sister didnt take it too well. for me, to add that to everything else, i was ready to walk off. not the smartest thing to do, but yes, walk off. thank God for adri and gilbert who were there to talk us through... i guess, we were really emotionally demotivated... after that, we did speak to unc richard to try to sort things out...

we went home, all of us visually upset and still having the cold war with each other... to me, it was baffling to understand why couldnt we just work things out, rearrange some things and everyone will get a piece of the winning pie... i didnt understand why we have to be forced to take on something against what we feel was more important to us... i tried to contemplate, but after a while it became a "Why God, Why?" and a "I just want to fall asleep and when I wake up, everything will be back to normal" moment.

but i couldnt sleep. even though i've had caring family members popping in once a while to check on me, but they thought i was sleeping, i wasn't asleep. my mind was too confused and too filled with doubts that i couldnt sleep...

and perhaps it was in this mode that i unraveled the key to the problem. i was afraid... i was nervous... i feared... i was scared... i was scared of NS, and all that lied before me... everyone told me before, you'll be fine, you'll be safe, but i needed to hear it myself, from the people who are close to me. i needed to hear it from jeejun who is inside right now, that it is safe, and theres nothing to worry about... most importantly, i needed to know that i am in safe hands when everything is not right, and that i can fall back into my family's arms when its not...

and deep down, that's what the whole incident about 19th june is... to me, though selfishly, whether my mom goes to my brother's commissioning parade and dinner with a full heart, without the heart, or whether she goes at all, it was unbeknown to me, a reflection as how i would see her in the role of my own NS. would she be there for me? i needed to know. i needed to hear that affirmation straight from her herself. i needed to hear that "yes".

but if it was to be for me to hear a "no", which was what it was initially to me, it would shake my 20 years of foundations... that "family comes first", and "no matter what, you all will be there for each other for you are bounded by blood" and those along these lines... and to me, that was the great hole that opened up my insecurity.

i cried while i thought of all these on the way to dinner... u could hear the tissue paper box in the car as we moved along... it was tough... it was scary... to know that you're all alone in the future when you need someone to catch you... someone close to you, someone you know, you knew you can run to and not get rejected... the pressure of questioning if it would be there anymore was immense...

i needed the assurance... i needed to hear that "yes, i'll be there for you"...

and this opportunity came when we had dinner... we were on this topic. and when the chance popped up for me to say "you really want to know the real reason why i on my part reacted this way?", i did. "i was scared. i'm scared for NS. I'm scared for the future... and to know that mom is going to attend your parade, is a reflection to me that she will be there for me too... to go to your parade, to be there for you in your moment, is to know that you will do it for me to... it is an assurance to me... and assurance that i desperately needed to know that whatever happens, you all will be there for me. i need to hear, and i need to know..."

and then, came my brother's prep talk... this one was different from the others... this one spoke right to my heart... indeed, whenever i face my insecurity, i break under the pressure and cry, as before... but i hold it back to my best of the abilities cos we were in the public... but my brother started with what i wanted to hear the most: we WILL be here for you... its ok if they all miss my parade, what more important is that they go for yours... its ok to be scared, its naturally to be scared... but this is where you learn to be a man, to be independent...

and the rest didnt matter as much as the first few lines...

and then jee jun called.. finally... to hear that he is ok, and he is slowly getting used to NS life, it took another load off me... he wouldnt know it, but it means quite a lot to me to hear him over the phone... i regret that i couldnt speak to him for longer... partially cos i didnt know what to say... but he would need his own time to do his own stuff... so i let him have it... that 1 minute was enough...

after that i felt much better, knowing that my brother and sister has pledged to be there for me... knowing that it will be safe and alright and my future is now less shaky...

we sent my brother off back to camp... and i was significantly happier now... the hole is like the oil spill, capped but not entirely... i messaged him to thank him for his pep talk and we had a few more replies back and forth... trying to mediate me and my mom... that we were both wrong...

and i did feel so too, that i was wrong... to be selfish... to be demanding to want them to show their love...

when i reached home, i took some time to plucker the courage to apologize to her... and when we did, both of us ended up in tears again... and in the midst, i heard what i needed to hear... "i will definitely be there behind you... i will always be there..." i cried...

i hope things will end here... the hole of insecurity, though now smaller, but is still present... if you really make me think about what lies ahead for me, i might crack again... but on the way back, i thought of one more line my brother said... "go for officer". and that will be my goal now. become an officer... and i posted this on facebook "I promise I will do my best, I must prove to myself that I can do it, even if I am to follow the path of my brother, even if I am to go for the one bar, I will tell myself, I CAN DO IT. When my time comes, I will do my best and SHINE."

i will. i will do my best to become what i can really be.

and i guess, when you reach your limits, but not jump off the cliff, things start to turn for the better... unc richard sent us an sms expressing his concerns over how bothered we were over this... and told us that we should go for the parade instead and not perform, for family comes first...

i'm really grateful to him for understanding... he may not know, but this would actually mean a lot to me... i'll send him a reply tomorrow with my heartfelt, sincere apologies and thanks...

~~~

so i guess we can say its the end of a chapter here... and i hope we will not have a rerun of this episode ever again... i'm grateful to all who have helped talk me through, i'm grateful to all who have also tried... i'm sorry to all whom i've vented on, be it my stress, my tears, or words that weren't too nice... i'm sorry to all who have been affected or will be affected by this... it is my fault and i am to shoulder the blame...

and thank you once again, to all of you who've helped me overcome this nervous breakdown/ anxiety attack, in one way or another... i guess i'm weak and i needed to know i'm loved...

Hurt for the future

2010-06-05T20:34:00.000+08:00

Tell me, now that u know the enlistment day is full of waiting and is
so draggy, would you be there to send me off? Now that you know the
POP is nothing more then just another parade, will you be there to
witness it? Will you be there to be proud for me? To be proud OF me?
Now that you can even WANT to skip his commissioning parade and dinner
for just another performance, I scared that you will do the same to me
too. And I'm so scared that you will, cos you will.

Goodbye To You, My Trusted Friend...

2010-06-03T02:42:00.007+08:00

Tomorrow, my good bro Jee Jun will be enlisting into the army. and as with last year, my i feel sad, like a heartache when my brother enlisted...

this time round, i did not tear to the usual songs that made me... instead what moved me was one that i wrote my own... i wont be able to sing it over the internet and its late and i have work tmr (if not i would actually go send him off with the whole gin gang... i guess..) but i can put out the lyrics as a poem here. copyrights entirely to me.

Brothers' Creed (We Are One)
By Royston Kwok

Just three years ago
We sealed our fates together
Brothers in arms for battle
Brothers in life forever

We braved through all the sufferings
The cries, the pains, the tears
The laughter, joy and smiles we shared
The memories so dear

We sailed through this great journey
We gave our own commands
We forged our bonds, our destiny
Our brotherhood of men

We climbed the highest mountains
In search of many Suns
We battled beasts with our hearts of gold
Though many, we are one

Now the ship has docked
Our journey here must end
Will you still remember
Your long and faithful friend?

The road ahead is foggy
What lies, we cannot see
Live our hearts in the brotherhood,
The treasured memories

Of sailing through our journeys
Of giving our commands
Of forging bonds, and our destiny
Our brotherhood of men

Of climbing higher mountains
In search of many suns
Of battling beasts with our hearts of gold
Though many, we were one

~ ~ ~

i bid ye farewell, bro, thanks for the 3 and a half years you've given me, but i hope, down the road, when you've forged your new brotherhood with your buddies, this one here wont be forgotten...

It's hard for me to say the things i want to say sometimes, as so Jon Bon Jovi said... there were many things that i might or might not have said, whether or not you might have gotten it, but really, from the bottom of my heart, i want to say thank you, for being the bro that you are, and thank you for doing what you have done for me... maybe another 3 years down, neither of us can remember, but what is more important is that i am really gratified to have you in my life. i really treasure this friendship that we have, and not everyone can earn the title of my "bro", but you did... thank you, and sorry for any misgivings between us...

take care in the army, and i'll be joining you in a few months but you'll be way ahead of me... but till then, Good Luck and Take Care! You'll be missed!

Yours with very much sincerity,
Royston
Your Bro

the monster within me

2010-06-01T22:49:00.005+08:00

im afraid

today i almost let out a ferocious monster inside of me, a monster i believe that has the ability to kill anything in his way when provoked... i almost did what i threatened my dog... to literally, whack the hell out of him... just because he shit in the room when the door was left unclosed. just because i stepped on it. and just because i was already in a bad mood, now the whole family hates me for the rest of the day.

i screamed at my dad for not closing the door and causing what happened because i presumed it was him as usual for not closing it.

i screamed at my mom when she owned up it was her instead.

i screamed at the fucking dog until the whole block could wake up, and because i screamed at my sister's beloved prince, now she hates me too.

and i woke the maid up.

i grabbed the dog after washing up, brought him to the scene of the crime. he knew what was coming, i was gonna whack him. i forced him to look at what he did but he did not even dare to... he knew it was wrong... and i was mad... he retaliated, i whacked. he retaliated further, i screamed even louder. he ran away.

now all i want to do is lock myself up and cy. i know its all bad. i know it has shocked a lot of people. but i am not. this is familiar. i know i am capable of this. i almost wanted to kill the dog.

and it is this monster in me that i fear... i have been fearing since the time i have found out about it. and all these, not because i stepped into the fucking dog's shit,

but because of something else.

jeejun, my best friend whom i treat as my bro, is going into army 2 days later. tmr is his last day out... and finally after more than 3 years of knowing him, he finally invited me into his home for a small, last gathering before he leaves to NS.

and at this time, FUCKING WORK WHICH TOTALLY DID NOT CALL ME UP WHEN I WANTED TO WORK LAST WEEK, just had to call me up tmr and not allow me to take half day leave, EVEN IF I WAS A FUCKING PART TIMER.

what happens when your last chance to say good bye to someone you love, has been taken away from you?

but i know it is not work to blame, they have their system. i know no one is to blame. i just feel unjust, unfair. i feel that at all times, when its a precious last goodbye that means more than it is to me, its unfair that i have to be bobbed down by this trivial but yet rigid. and in all ways, i still cannot attend the finale.

im lost

and im apologetic.

sorry to my family for the screamings
sorry to jun for not being able to attend
sorry to God for loosing my fit and not controlling myself

i've been bad.

and now i feel like crying because i feel guilty.

i'm guilty for pushing my anger of not being able to go for something that means so much to me onto the people i love around me.

Reflections for the Nineteenth

2009-11-23T10:22:00.001+08:00

I guess you get to a stage where material things just don't matter any
more... Or is it just me?

Yesterday was the big one-nine... Ok, not so big, but hey it's still a
birthday! Anyways, I have not received a proper present to date...
Only one Ang pao and part 1 of a present from Gilbert and Adriana...
But yet... I feel... Content.

Why? I don't know. All I know is that this year, as opposed to last
year, people remembered my birthday... Last year, no one wished me
happy birthday when the clock strikes 12. Only my sister did when it
was an hour later, and not even one from my parents the next
morning... This year, they wished me from 11pm - 1 hour too early,
then again at 11.58pm - 2 minutes too early, and finally we did a
coutdown, then the proper one comes...

Not that I'm complaining, but just to note the stark difference
between my 19th and my 18th birthday...

And maybe I got contented so easily because I managed to get my
brother to celebrate with me... The 2/3 weeks before hand, he was a
fieldcamp and I did not see him for that long prior to my birthday...
To have him out celebrting, is already a great thing...

And also at my cousin's wedding on the 20th, people somehow discovered
that it was my birthday, without me saying it... Then, despite wishing
the bride and groom their best wishes, and my aunt whose birthday fell
on that day itself, I had my share too...

I guess a person is not measured by what he is given, or what he owns,
but by how many people remember him when he is to be remembered, by
birth or by death...

And yes, I have blogged again...

Twitter

2009-09-27T17:41:00.001+08:00

Guess I've not logged on to blog for a very long while... Even posting this post does not require me to log in... all hail email...

i'm switching over to Twitter for now... cos it just seems much easier and also cos im too lazy to blog...

so, todeloo blogger, hellloooooo Twitter! (follow me on twitter @roykwok22 !)

2009-06-23T17:03:00.001+08:00

Now the Sun's gone to hell,
And the moon's riding high.
Let me bid you farewell
Every Man has to die...
It is written in the starlight,
Every line on your palm
We're fools to make war on our
Brothers In Arms

Back for a post

2009-05-26T02:10:00.002+08:00

Feeling a little bit emo now... so i'm back here...

you know, every chinese new year my parents would go to the temple and ask for each of our luck for the year... most of the times they were quite accurate... my brother had a small operation, and he did, a small dental thing. i would loose a large sum of money last year, and i did, loosing my chinese new year money to buy clothes one, 300 bucks in total...

but this year, i was dumbfounded that mine was nothing bad, in fact almost too perfect. but i knew all along that there must be something i must look out for, its just not discovered only...

and i found out myself

(you may not draw the link as i do, but wel, i do.)

i guess, this year, i must watch the leadership roles that i take, and that they dont overwhelm each other, just like it is now. i must also learn to do and not to count the cost, aka dont be so calculative.

one at a time:

leadership roles - the ones i currently possess:
1) FYP Grp leader
2) SPAC2GO Vice President
3) MWR Tenor leader
4) MWR's National Day Parade Group leader
5) various projects' leader

i guess i can die from all these and neglecting my studies.

next issue: not to count the cost

theres a particular role which is quite prestigious, and participation offers many different unique opportunities that does not come about just like that. i understand that there may be some requirements that i do not meet, and hence i shall not take those events into view. but others, where opportunity is UNLIMITED, but only bounded by self-imposed professionalism, prevent my participation in what i deem these events as PERKS. at least i do. so ok even if i do not get to participate, then let me ask, what do i, as a leader, get for a role which was claimed that i volunteered for, but was never given the right to speak up against? (in simpler terms, i was nominated into the role on the impression of "volunteerism".) at least i should get some perks for it? nah... i dont... not even one where i was supposed to get a small perk but was later taken away from me. now you know why i'm emo? it's not like we're paid to do the job... we're merely helpers to do S.K....

even SKW get paid... i think we need a new term for unpaid/unjustified SKWs - one level below the already lowly SKWs. SK slaves? SKTargetboard?

Last Words from Dr Allan Ooi

2009-03-12T00:44:00.005+08:00

Received an email forward about this... just to share...:

Update: letter removed to respect the wishes and privacy of the family

there was one line that struck me... and it made me think: would i want to live life like this? i dont wanna die bearing all these with me in the heart too...

i guess, it is somehow God's answer to my question...

29 Feb 2009

2009-03-01T05:41:00.001+08:00

Was counting the dates on my email. Got an email reply on the 28 of
feb which was supposed to be yesterday, and was wondering when is the
28?. cos I know today is the 1st, and one day after should be 29th..
And so I went to check the original email which was a day ago only,
was only sent on 27th.. Odd, I wondered, as if I jumped straight into
march and skipped 2 days on earth...

And then it struck me. There's no such thing as 29 feb on an odd-
numbered year. Silly me XD.

I did jump straight into march!

Now laugh!

Lonely

2009-02-28T02:48:00.002+08:00

Lonely
The path you have chosen
A restless road, no turning back
One day you will find your light again
Don't you know
Don't let go, be strong

what an apt verse frm Il Divo to open my post.

the road i've chosen. SP Biotech. i'm sorta lonely now... close friends are JC grads, NS, or other poly, or overseas interning, most prob a shanghai (teri at ireland). that leaves with me. here. in singapore. nothing much i can do. literally a "restless" road. its workign us to hell man... and yes, there is no turning back.

but i must stay strong. the truth will come. i will shine one day...

And here's the irony. Just when it seems like i've been forgotten by everyone, and i'm just another lonely soul roaming this earth, there is someone out there, whom i've once tried to forget with all my might, someone who has once forgotten me, seemed to remember me now with a small dedication in his rant space, that i have, somehow, made a differnce to his life. at least once. or twice. there were 2 songs.

and yes, one of them was this - Il Divo's I believe in you. no, its a pure concidence that when i was thinking of a nice way to start my first post-exam rant, i choose a song he pointed out.

but since we're on that topic, that leads me to another thing. i've mentioned i've been trying to forget him. a friend who was once so close, but we drifted apart. real fast. as if pangea tore up into many pieces within days. but now, i've been trying to find the heart to let go, forgive and forget. we spoke, though indirectly. and i feel, i dont want to see him in a school reunion 7 years down the road and run away. i feel, that the love was once there, the hate was also found its place. somehow, friendship-sick, if theres such a thing, roped in. as for now, can we settle down, and be friends again? i'm trying to find the right time, the right moment of my heart to know that i can let go. i found it recently.

I followed my heart,
Let my love lead through the darkness
Back to a place I once knew
Shall believe, shall believe, shall believe its due.
Followed my dreams
In search of an angel of kindness
I hope that my heart's song was true,
To believe, to believe, to believe in you.

i welcome you back into my arms, my friend. its time to let go, let live, and let God take the wheel from here.

2009-02-10T21:09:00.002+08:00

Welcome back to Athazagoraphobia 100FM, this is your friendly DJ Royston on the air,
Here's a personal shout out to all my friends, especially Brian Lee Rong Sen,
"Thank you for wasting my time! And oh, fuck you!"

2009-02-07T17:46:00.001+08:00

It's such a strange feeling... It's like.. Coming home, but yet, not
home... It's like my SJI home, meets my SP home... It's like...
Thinking of my comfort zone of my SJI times, amidst the comfort of new
friends in SP.. 2 totally different feelings, that converge in my mind
and heart... But only this time, it's reality... Right in front of my
eyes...

Mr lim brought a whole bunch of students to SP PTC lab for an
artificial "seed" experiment... At first I was expecting kiddos, but
later I saw so many of my juniors from Design and Guitar Ensemble...
Brings back memories...

Haha... Imagine the juniors calling me "sir".. I keep telling them
"don't call me that! I'm only 3 years your senior!".. But I get all
"eeyer" when one of them, I think a scholar, started to call me "Kor
Kor" just for the fun of it... Thank God ms Adeline Koh didn't hear
that...

I know how Adeline Koh feels when she does the prac now... Like it's
damn irritating when the students keep sticking their heads into the
laminar flow hood... And contaminating the products by crossing our
hands over...

Cheers,
Royston K.

CHINGAY 2009: Roaring Ahead

2009-02-05T01:52:00.003+08:00

I MISS CHINGAY!!!!!

New found friends..

We appeared on Zao Bao even... see if you can spot me... hehe..

We'll Fight For Our Survival

2009-02-04T21:01:00.002+08:00

We heard the news. The news I long dreaded but knew it would come.

We were told to choose our own paths. Many are laid out. And I will choose. I will choose the path I feel right. I will fight to survive. I WILL FIGHT TO SURVIVE!!!

Toxic

2009-01-30T01:15:00.002+08:00

1. Put iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Unwritten - Natasha Beddingfield (so write it down... i'm more of visual person)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Ice Kachang - Kopi Kat Klan (so u must know how to make me desserts ah..)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Eternal Flame - Atomic Kitten (eh... angry? passionate? i duno..)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
She Will Be Loved - Maroon5 (to love her. who again?)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Let's Get It Started - Black Eyed Peas (eh... ok start... but i seldom end... in that sense its true.. hahaha... or to live life to the fullest?)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Lady Marmalade - Christina Aguilera, Pink, et al (EHHHH. Voulez Vous Coucher Avec Moi Ce Soir? NO WAY i'm not that easy okay! how about... Hey Sista, Go Sista, Soul Sista, Flow Sista... i'm more of a supporter to them.. XD)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
We Are One - Westlife (I'm close. whadayawant?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's (Day dream?)

WHAT IS 2+2?
This Is The Moment - Donny Osmond (to shine? that i know that 2+2 is 4? haha..)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Glory Of Love - North (makes sense. best friends have a love between them so great it can be glorious)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Season Of Love - RENT (so... people i like come seasonally... XD)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
No You Hang Up - Shane Ward (never ever ending battle to get the last laugh. MUAHAHAHA)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Heaven - DJ Sammy (Cant be Heaven, but closer to my beliefs?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
She Says To Fly - P.J. Olsson (i get high? when theres a person i like i tell you okay?)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
他一定很爱你 - 阿杜 (they think "ta" = me. tt means i really love them la?!)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Pump It - Black Eyed Peas (Humour in the house... I will dance to that song? not my type... sorry..)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Go The Distance - Michael Bolton (Thats more like it... they'd commemorate my life, that i have gone the distance, and i'd return Home like a hero.)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
The Time Of My Life - David Cook (to earn the rights to call a time of my life The Time Of My Life)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Angel - Westlife (SOOOO TRUE. they're angels to me... when i'm down, they're (supposed) to be there... some do, some DON'T)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Invisible - Clay Aiken (yes, to true... atharagozaphobia. i wish never to be forgotten. *hint hint*)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Summer Sunshine - The Corrs (heat stroke? lol... Singapore has summer all year round anyways... quite apt...)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Fragile Heart - Westlife (so true once again... i regret letting my fragile heart get the best of me at times...)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
I'm Already There - Westlife (well, sort of true... when i first heard this song, i was touched by the first verse to the chorus, until the second verse i got irritated cos it was so long winded... and cheesy... so i guess i laughed... but its a touching song...)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
100 years - Five For Fighting (True. i used this song for my Character Development presentation on a charity project we planned ourselves, i did on the Alzheimer's Association, and this song just suits it so well, but it was so touching i once cried after hearing it over and over again to edit the song... I'm 99 for a moment, I'm dying for just another moment...)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Dance Like There's No Tomorrow - Paula Abdul (err... guess i'm shunning the question like there's no tomorrow too)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit (yes, this is a rather angry and scary song... No One Bites Back As Hard On Their Anger...)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Say My Name - Destiny's Child (say who's name?)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
What About Now - Daughtry (to make things better for now and the future?)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
4 Minutes - Madonna ft Justin Timberlake (yes, too little time to cram all my BIOTEC notes into my head... it hurts...)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Toxic - Britney Spears (hahaha...)

Tag: CHECK BACK HERE TO SEE IF YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED!!!

I Almost Started A War

2009-01-28T08:47:00.003+08:00

Do i call myself proud? I dunno... i almost started a war between Department of Student & Alumni Affairs (SAA) and the Department of Corporate Communications (CCom)... i mean... how often do you get to start wars? haha... i dunno if it is even called a war...

Last thursday, during the welcome reception for the then SPAC2GO and the now SP ACER, the CCOM director Kai mentioned in her speech "we have fought very hard" and "now spac2go is directly under CCom, nad not under any other departments." that means that anything to be reported will be reported to CCom.

well, for the old members, we were quite suprised and shocked... for one that we have really gone away from where we started, and for two, that many of us still have projects under SAA. that means, we are now lost sheeps. for me, i've got the Annual General Meeting that is the 1st one to be affected.

And so, after talking to Xuan Ming, we decided to CLARIFY with Ms Angel. but i dont know it it came out too strongly... as in... it was a simple phone call, then Ms Angel got very serious when she got to know of it, she sounded shock, then she told me she'd check with M. Neo and would call me back. this was when i was having my lunch break at FC3. when she finally called back, what she said was: can i see you for a moment? just a short while... so i went, unprepared for what was coming next...

i went to SAA, and met Ms Angel for the 1st time. then she stepped out, and she brought me to another man. and i got to know that he was the DIRECTOR of SAA. and so we had a mini impromtu meeting right smack in the middle of SAA office. like.... WAIT... meeting with the director and manager of SAA? i was so unprepared... then when that was done, Ms Angel took me into the meeting room and sort of interviewed me indirectly and asked me what do i think is the survival of the club if we split. naturally, i was like... ERRRR... i gave my honest opinion, although i seriously think it didnt make any sense... it was one of those... "It is CBA spelt backwords" answer to a "What is ABC?" question...

then just as i was about to the glass doors of SAA, 15 minutes into my OSRM lesson, the director of SAA came back in... he told me and Ms Angel this: What Kai said the other day was just a proposal and should not have been said, but the gun was jumped... so dont worry, for now, we're still under SAA.

To the Officers and Advisors from both sides who may happen to read this, the reason why i approached Ms Angel is because:
1) I am lost and don't know who to report to,
2) I do not know even if the AGM would still be on,
3) I went clearly on the "so would the AGM still be on? SPAC2GO AGM or SP ACER AGM?" purpose.
4) Xuan Ming told me to clarify with Ms Angel too, as he himself was blur.

I did not go with an intention to:
1) expose any sides
2) create trouble
3) act like spy/to pao toh...

I'm sorry if any of you got the wrong impressions.

ahh... now that it is off my chest....

Warning

2009-01-25T14:26:00.002+08:00

A Serious Warning To My Friends:

Do not think that just because you believe in one thing, and i do not, does not mean that i must believe in it when i talk to you. if i do, consider yourself lucky. if i don't, you do not have the right to show me our attitude. i repeat, YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO SHOW ME YOUR BLOODY ATTITUDE.

for example: i am forced to be in a group with you. someone i do not have a good impression with already, BECAUSE SOMEONE CALLED ME IRRITATING WHEN I WAS TRYING TO BE HELPFUL. your belief is that work should be completed in one week before the deadline. mine is not. ok, so what if i am a more last-minute person? and besides, this is the CHINESE NEW YEAR's SEASON. EVERYONE IS BUSY. I AM ESPECIALLY BUSY. do you have to go to work? do you have to run a CCA event when nothing is planned? do you have to battle grips of your CCA when you feel is torn between a war we cannot control?.

NO. you all dont. do you think it is easy to be me?

so ok. i said i will discuss with him. I MEANT I WILL DISCUSS A DEADLINE WITH HIM. BUT IF THAT BUGGER (i am controlling myself from saying Fucker here) DOES NOT WANT TO REPLY ME, THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO, OK? trust you to misread my words even.

"you don't have to say 'sorry' bcos apparently the word doesn't mean anything to you at all...you're just saying for the sake of saying..."

ok? if thats the case, I WILL NOT SAY SORRY TO YOU EVER. I WILL NOT EVEN SAY A THANK YOU TO YOU. I WILL NOT BE COURTEOUS TO YOU AT ALL. i said sorry because there is nothing much i can do about it right now, and i am sorry about it. i will try my best, though. the end. sorry does not mean anything to me? are you sure? YOU HAVE JUST LOST THE COURTEOUS ME. DAMN YOU. INSTEAD, FUCK YOU.

fancy being so smart, you actually have no brains to think at all. high IQ, but low EQ and AQ. what's the use of being human?

the warning to my friends: if you piss me off like that, don't expect me to call you my friend, ever. (i am someone who remembers you for life.)

I'm Going To TLL!!!

2009-01-21T02:36:00.002+08:00

Temasek Life Sciences Laboratory (TLL) is a non-profit organization established in 2002 to undertake cutting edge research in molecular biology and genetics utilizing a broad range of model organisms. TLL is affiliated to the National University of Singapore and Nanyang Technological University. It is located within the campus of the National University of Singapore and is situated alongside other research institutes and academic departments of the university.

TLL has a current research staff of about 190 scientists. Our vision is to create an environment which can attract the brightest young minds world wide, support their research and challenge them to be leaders in their own fields. The institute is based on small but well supported and interactive research groups in which originality, innovation and creativity are emphasized. Collaboration between research groups within TLL and with other local and international research groups is actively encouraged.

Disproportionate to our small size, TLL has already had a positive impact on the development of biotechnology industry in Singapore through collaborations and joint research ventures with local and international partners. Through the excellence of our research, the talented people we nurture and our collaborations with educational, research, as well as industrial partners we will help to facilitate the development of life sciences based industries in Singapore.

And I'm going to TLL for my internship!

Source: www.tll.org.sg

2009-01-20T12:42:00.011+08:00

CHINGAY
The Lions Are Alive!
09

Friends Are Friends Forever

2009-01-05T15:55:00.003+08:00

Friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though its hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetimes not too long
To live as friends.

Friends are friends forever, If the Lords the Lord of them.
But what is the Lord is not the Lord of them? That's just what i learnt. the hard way.

And a friend will not say never, 'Cause the welcome will not end.
What if they do say? if they do say no? never? and what welcome? thank you welcome that welcome? or welcome home that welcome?

Though its hard to let you go In the Father's hands we know.That a lifetimes not too long
To live as friends.
A lifetime's not too long. meaning a lifetime's too short to live as friends.

I have a friendship which i used to treasure a lot. back then, it meant a lot to me. but things turned sour, as time went by, and we were friends no more.

recently, i managed to take a step, and try to patch things back again.

but now, i dont know where to go from where i am.

well, at least i can say, if i were to meet him down the road, i'm no longer afraid to say hi...

Letters Home

2008-12-31T08:23:00.003+08:00

Who will you send the letter to?

What song would it be?

And Why?

For Friendship? For Love?

Or just a simple letter of forgiveness?

I went to The Esplanade yesterday for another Celebrate December gig... this time by Peggy Ferroa who directed the show. Its called Letters Home, an annual show held at esplanade every year-end to end the year on a reflective note. Letters Home talks about people who write letters to their treasured loved ones, and are consolidated to fit a theme. this year, the theme is "Familiar Tunes". How often do you hear a song on the radio, or in your iTunes, and get a flooding of memories, long after the song has ended?

It was a touching show... Many of us held back tears... tears that came from within our hearts... some didnt though... not that they had no heart, but rather, they could not hold back the tears... well done, Peggy, Brendan, Nora and Rosita (it feels so strange to call them by their first names directly...) And also to Shanwei... i could totally relate to your letter dude... i was down that road, 2 years back... But what was my song then?

To a one particular friend, it is You Are Loved (Don't Give Up) by Josh Groban

In fact, one song was not enough... I once burned a whole CD of songs for this friendship.

This was, and still is, my own version of Letters Home. As to how my story will end, only time, luck and God can tell, for now, i am caught at a fork-road...

That aside, another song i remember on the way home yesterday after hearing it from a CD. Can You Feel The Love Tonight by Elton John. It brings me back to the days of Sec 1 Orientation, and somehow, that is the song that stayed with me for the next 2 years...

And for my upper sec years, it would be this song at graduation I cried to, the Aled Jones version of You Raise Me Up. I even have one for my Pri 6 class too... Unbreakable by Westlife, cos i once dedicated it to them over the radio, citing "Our Friendship is Unbreable"... but that was then... look at us now!

Well, for now, its time to end off soon. what will my swan song be for 2008? i can very easily end off with Auld Lang Syne. but no. i choose this: Thanks For The Memories by Fall Out Boy. Happy New Year!

Letters Home

Esplanade Concourse

30th and 31st Dec

6.30pm, 7.45pm – 8.15pm, 9pm – 9.30pm

Free

Nyonya

2008-12-29T15:13:00.003+08:00

Nyonya

i've long battled whether it is nonya or nyonya. i've always knew that it is 娘惹. but it took me awhile to finally realise the connection.

娘 as in [头家娘]

头家娘 is tau kay neo

so the "nya" in "nyonya" is quite straight forward

but since 娘 is neo = nyo

therefore i conclude that it is NYONYA

hence, where Nonya is used, i think it should be wrong... (note, peranakan museum)

anyone can fight my hypothesis?

小娘惹 The Little Nyonya [Music 01] - 小娘惹 [The Little Nyonya]

Merry Christmas? Melly Kissmas!

2008-12-28T16:12:00.000+08:00

hahahahaha...

Merry Christmas Singapore - Culture Vulture

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T18:38:00.005+08:00

Hark! The Christmas Bells

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JntjTRAGSIA

A handbell piece for Christmas which combines two christmas songs, Carol Of The Bells and Hark! The Harold Angels Sing. Beautiful, but more BEAUTIFUL if you heard it live like i did the other day at esplanade at my friend's' concert...

when i heard it, i could see fireworks blowing up against the skyline of Singapore, from were i stood at the Esplanade outdoor theatre, when the part of the hark the harold part slowly built up and sort of, musically, exploded.. it was the most beautiful feeling of christmas ever... and you could really feel angels are singing up on high...

well, enjoy, and once again, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

UPDATE: i heard this song at the Ministry of Bellz (MOB)'s performance at the Esplanade outdoor theatre... they had a nice show there... GO MOB!!! GO MEL!!! GO ALEX!!! GO DAMIEN!!! GO MOB!!!

Departure

2008-12-15T22:36:00.001+08:00

I'm now at the airport, waiting for my sister and cousin to return
from hong kong in 2 hours time (we had nothing to do after buying our
Christmas tree so here we are...), hanging out at T1's kiliney
kopitiam, which so happens to be beside the departure gate...

I see a range of emotions here... The youths sending their friends
away, end up jumping and waving behind the glass. For those who are
sending their relatives, one last shot of the camera flash can never
kill...

But one family stood out... The teenage boy was crying, but still
trying to hold back his tears in front of the elderly lady he just
hugged. I don't know who and how exactly they are related, but it
could be a relative or friend migrating away, or a long-service-nanny
who's going home for good.

Whatever the case, it still brought tears to my eyes. But no it's
didn't flow down...

I remember about 4 to 5 years back I was in the same position as that
boy... Crying. Cos my long time domestic helper/maid, of no less than
14 years, first hired just months before I came into this world, was
returning home to the philippines to settle down and start her new
family.

No doubt me and my sister were so attached to her... Imagine someone
who was merely 19 years old, just one year away from where I stand
now, a degree holder, smart girl, who didn't have enough money, so had
to come over to Singapore to find work as a domestic helper. Returning
home not too many times in her 14 years here, and then return home to
marry her husband.

And her love of her life was a little strange too... She went back a
first time to first meet her potential husband, second to arrange the
marraige, and finally, a last flight back for her wedding.

Sighs... Memories...

I now only wish for my sister and cousin's safe return...

Cheers,
Royston K.

My 18th Birthday.

2008-12-14T01:26:00.005+08:00

My 18th birthday was a surprise. it started with me feeling damn sad, cos nobody seemed to care. whats more, it was my 18th, and i had to perform on stage, and look like a fool. it was stressful, with exams a week later... and to hand in assignment on the next day with a rather strange and early deadline...

usually my family stays up late at nite and when it is christmas or new year or someone's birthday, we would usually wish each other when the clock strikes 12. but this year, no one remembered until an hour plus later, when someone went : oh. its past 12. happy birthday.

how happy can i get?

and i was waiting. i was counting.

it was ironic. the first person who wished me happy birthday was no one other than, me. no SMSes too. just me. how? on my iPhone calander i set the "event" to an all day thing to start at 0000 hrs, and to alert me when it happens. this was done a month before when i got bored. and i totally forgot about it... i was stressed the night before... and when i saw the alert message, which i aptly wrote it one month back as "Happy Birthday, Royston!", i initially thought Apple had the technology to wish their customers happy birthday, and i was touched at first. only when i realised it was my calander, did i feel pathetic.

so i went to my performance in the morning. no one remembered, no one in my family really bothered to wish me until my maid reminded them. maybe i got a shock in the lift at RP's TRCC when suddenly someone shouted (when i was emo-ing, yes on my birthday) HAPPY BIRTHDAY and i got shocked i was like "huh? who's birthday isit? me? no way... doesnt feel like it..."

and so i spent the whole afternoon emoing, trying to get my laptop to log into RP's free wireless internet. when i realised it was getting late, i went to get changed... and then just when i was in the toilet, they told me that there was a briefing now and told me to hurry up. i thought it was strange cos they had another briefing an hour ago. and when i rushed back, with my clothes in my hand, stright from the toilet...

courtesy of Nadia for the video

... then the day got better... people i dont know, such as the RP dancers, even the audience who got to know about my birthday wished me... and boy were the RP dancers crazy... they just couldnt stop singing celebrate joget! (and dancing to the little mass dance too..) even when we finished the gala show, they went to the foyer where we were mingling with the audiences, and started singing it... then it took someone (Aunty marlene) to sing that one line: happy birthday to you... and they pushed me into the center, formed a circle around me, and started the whole thing all over again... sigh...

and there was one scene, where it was someone's birthday, and they were singing the birthday song, me and my bro and cousin were singing inside too, but i sang it without a you, but to me.. and we were all having fun pointing at me whenever it said you.. hahah...

and i wanna thank all who came to watch, Ms Gina Tan, Ms Adeline Koh, Shirlyn, Brian, Libin, Donglin, and not forgetting, my bro, Darren and his gf and my gan nu-er, vanessa...

thank you for your presents everyone!!! and to all who made my day too!

Rehearsals

2008-11-17T01:09:00.004+08:00

had another argument again today. once again, it is totally stupid and uncalled for.

i told you i bore grudges. i woke up today, not wanting to speak to her. at least it was for awhile. and through the rehearsals, i gradually cheered up.

and so, on with the rehearsals

it was a dressed rehearsal so i had a costume-change. when i came back from the toilet, my brother asked me about his appearance for a new scene which we choreographed last night, which he wasnt there, i said "i don't know". this was because he was not there for rehearsals and so when we choreographed it last night, he wasnt inside it except for "he will be mirroring you all there". nothing about his character, nothing about his entry, nothing about his exit.

and so he asked again. i repeated my answer. and again, and again, and again. until he flared up and asked "what is your fucking problem?"

"dont think that just because you are not happy you must make everyone as fucked up angry like you"

whoa... lets pause it here... he is blaming me? for being angry? 'cuse me, i need to fight back here...

"what? i really dont know what you expect me to say? you werent here last night so you were not put inside the dance, he never said how you will come in he only said you will do the dance the other side with amanda so what you want me to say?"

and he went "so? why must you say 'i dont know?' why cant you just say that he never choreographed me into the dance? just because you are fucking angry does not mean you have to make everyone else like you ok?!"

lets see... why didnt i say that? cos i was in the "dont want to talk too much, still recovering from last night's damage" mood. and please, i could talk to mother already. just that you thought i was still pissed like you asshole.

and so we walked away and i thought he quietened down. just before we entered the new scene, he asked my sister and cousin where he would be. they also said dunno. i tried to explain and he went "i dont want to talk to him, piss everyone [and he emphasized EVERYONE] off only".

i couldnt take it anymore. we just quarrelled in front of everyone.

great thing my sister broke us up.

if not, i would have stormed out of the room.

and when he finally saw what the scene was about, and how me and my cousin and my sister's role were played, he never said a word about it again.

see?

this time round, i was pissed, cos once again, i was misunderstood. the other party was pissed, cos he thought i was pissed, when i, was actually doing nothing wrong or provokative towards anybody. in fact, i was just being polite enough to answer his question, taking into account my "dont want to talk so much" mood.

is there any justice in this world? who cares about judiciary courts and lawyers, politicians and criminals? how about the justice of fairness?

i was on the car back from rehearsals to dinner. i heard them play a song that i have not heard for a long time on the radio... i remember that it was the song i used to hear to help me up when i am emo or stressed or such. when i heard the song, i teared, thinking about every line of the lyrics. and when i heard "you're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here", i finally cried.

Angel Sarah McLachlan City of Angels

Song lyrics		My thoughts as to each line (or verse)
Spend all your time waiting For that second chance For a break that would make it okay		i was waiting for everything to pass, so i can lead back my normal life where we're all ok…
There’s always some reason To feel not good enough And it’s hard at the end of the day		this is so true…
I need some distraction Oh beautiful release Memory seeps from my veins		I really need some distraction… Yes, it’ll be beautiful, As I try to forget the things that happen before
Let me be empty And weightless and maybe I’ll find some peace tonight		Let me forget it all, my troubles, with families, friends, school work, stress, rehearsals, etc, so I can sleep well tonight…
In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear		In the arms of the angel, bring me away from here, from this cold, lonely, strange place where it really seems endless now…
You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You’re in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there		I was pulled away, from the angel of a peacefulmind … was… until the next verse…
So tired of the straight line And everywhere you turn There’s vultures and thieves at your back		So tired of everything now… so rigid… deadlines everywhere… and everywhere I go, there will be 小人 out to get me…
And the storm keeps on twisting You keep on building the lie That you make up for all that you lack		It just snowballs… quarrels, emo-ness, it never stops… the lie here is a masquerade that I live behind…
It don’t make no difference Escaping one last time It’s easier to believe		Yes, It doesn’t matter anymore, I don’t care… it does feel better if I phased out every new problem…
In this sweet madness oh, This glorious sadness That brings me to my knees		Sweet? Nah… mad? Definitely…Glorious? If self sacrificial to shut myself up so others can win? Then yes… and sometimes, I want to surrender to death… I cant take it anymore…
In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You’re in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there		In the arms of an angel… where is it now?Yes, bring me to a better place…Not here, not now…Bring me away from eternal depression…Pull me away…From my emo-ing and maniac depression…Where are you angel? Why cant I find you? I need you…
You’re in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort here		Please…[and I started crying…]

The world, does not, even FUCKING CARE.

2008-11-15T22:18:00.002+08:00

looks like some people did not get my message.

they still pissed me off.

but the thing is, if you are pissed off, would you put on a smile, a happy face, and live your day like you are one big asshole and hypocrite, keeping all inside?

tell me who wouldnt get nervous and agitated and lost and not know what to do when his elderly grandfather fell right in front of your eyes, and there is no one else there who could AND WOULD HELP? and you, who went down to supposedly get the car, disappeared. just when grandpa could sit down, IN THE CAR, you went missing. if i call you, wouldnt it be normal that i shouted over the phone? (no, i was supposed to whisper softly)

and when you were walking down the stairs, we could see you, you could see us, why cant you just swich on the car using your remote and let grandpa have a sit? if you dont, and i shout to you to do so, is that senseless? [no, i am supposed to smile at you, carry pompoms and welcome your arival and totally not care that grandpa had a fall, which wouldnt have taken place in the first place if you didnt bring him along]

and just because i was pissed off the whole day to start with, DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU CAN SCREAM AT ME FOR THAT. IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU CAN SAY "hey... you know what would be a good idea? lets us split up this family!"

no? that's not what you said? oh sorry, cos that is WHAT I REGISTERED. from now on, this will stay in my head. FOREVER. blame it on my better-than-average memory that has cursed me to bear grudges for my lifetime.

and dont think that just becos u came back and saw me sleeping on the sofa means that you can fuck me off like you just did in the car. to let you know, i finally broke down. i finally cried. i cried myself to sleep on the sofa, just before you came home.

oh, i dont blame you. i dont blame anyone for not knowing. i have a skill, to cry and not to make a sound. no one will care. yes, in fact, NO BODY CARES.

when i cried, i looked at the window. i saw my wrist, and wondered how would it feel having my wrist slit and die. and for once, i could actually feel some kind of feeling at my wrist. good job, Royston. you now can feel how dying feels like. a step from contemplating suicide. the next step would be to jump off that building, something you should have done ages ago.

take away message: If one fine day, I am found dead, from suicide, and no note, let this be it: THE WORLD DOESNT CARE AT ALL.

yes, i do recognise the fact that you are stressed. i do acknowledge the stress that you go through. but lets put this clear. i, still have school. i have these bloody rehearsals. i have to go down to RP every day of next week. i still have tons of school work to do. i have 5 datashits slash reports to do in a DAY. i have homework. i have to RUSH MY RESUME FOR MY ITP WHICH I SCREW UP NOW I WILL SCREW UP MY LIFE. lets not forget that i am doing this cos u pulled me into this the first place. and also, i am missing a happy 18th birthday cos of this shit.

you may say that u dont know any of these, cos i dont say it. too bad for you, i thought you didnt care. wait. you did? i thought you were those selfish fuckers who thought of only yourself. wait, you are. i screamed at you only cos i cared for grandpa, and he fell and i wanted him to have a seat and you were missing. and you thought i blamed my whole day on you.

MSN

2008-11-12T08:29:00.001+08:00

Its amazing how a simple message can get you noticed.

"I'm easily irritated now, so dont come round trying to fuck me cos i will fuck you right back, and you dont want me fucking you."

at least 6 ppl talked to me yesterday about that line.

and yes, try fucking me, and i'll fuck you back, harder than ever before.

don't even think sick stuff.

Happier

2008-11-11T21:25:00.003+08:00

hooray, today was the first time in a week i feel happ(ier). no, seriously, im not (so) emo today.

but still, im stressed. i have to complete my appmic datashit to naz. why cant mr goh make it easier for us? its not say he doesnt know the work load of the course...

imgaine: rushing 5 datashits in less than 1 week. PLUS REHEARSALS. yes, its that time of the week. rehearsals are pumping, i have to go down to rp like tuesday to saturday next week, and this week is only slightly better... 3 out of 7 days im down.

today was happier cos i went out to have a nice lunch with shirlyn and brian. tiong bahru plaza. ate the pasta shop. then walked around, did some errands, felt a little hungry so we went down to niwa sushi to eat again. and before that we had some shopping (snacks, there was a fair) in school. japanese snacks.

its such a japanese day.

22 Nov 2008

2008-11-10T13:48:00.004+08:00

that is my brithday.

my 18th birthday.

and sadly, i am not looking forward to spending it.

i will be celebrating it, by making a fool of myself on stage in front of RP students and friends and family, ministers and even the president. how dumb is that?

i dont want to blow a cake that is used for stage purposes. i dont want a cake like that for my 18th birthday. i will feel super insulted if that happens. and i dont want to be emo like how i am now, on that day. the LEAST you can do is get me a new cake, and the LEAST you all can do is to come for my performance. even if it is not for the sake of watching the show, at least support me, or else just take it as it is my BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

i dont even know why i am willing to share my brithday present. at least not now, im emo-ing.

SIAPA BABA?
a multimedia play by the Main Wayang Company
21 and 22 nov
3pm (22nd nov) and 8pm (21st and 22nd nov)
to book tix, email me, or give me a call

celebrate my birthday. please.

I need a break

2008-11-09T14:19:00.001+08:00

I need a break, seriously.

I'm now at the stage where I'm easily Irritated. Something so small
can give me a pms. Screw rehearsals, screw school works, screw project
works and datasheets, screw politics. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

I also don't understand why I'm down fitted with bad luck. I try to
help my friends, at the expense of not getting my work done, and all I
get in return? Lost my textbook, nobody cares, I turn emo, still
nobody cares, and worse, I get insulted. By the person I was trying to
help. And till now, they don't, and won't know about it.

The few states where a teen celebrates his birthday: 16, 18 and 21.
Besides the fact that there are movie ratings, they also indicated the
stages of maturity that you are at. Hence I find that each celebration
is significant enough for a celebration. But why is it that for me? I
don't get to spend my 18th birthday the way I want it to? And worse, I
have to spend it making a fool of myself? Why?people who don't want to
celebrate their 18th birthday get the whole day to themselves to
slack, but not me? Why?

I pity my pathetic life, I pity my pathetic life.

Obama vs McCain

2008-11-07T22:11:00.003+08:00

Obama Rice?

McCain Rice?
A Game of Obama vs McCain

Obama 2, McCain 1 - Obama clamps down McCain!

): BitterSweet :)

2008-11-07T21:47:00.005+08:00

): :) bittersweet.

my current EMOti[c]on: :'(

Wu Gui

2008-11-04T08:57:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUAN MING!!!

You turn 19 today!

still a long way to go for a...

tortoise tortoise jump!

2008-11-04T03:16:00.010+08:00

打小人

Anyone know any really creepy nursery rhymes?

2008-11-04T03:11:00.002+08:00

I got this from yahoo answers...

In most cultures, nursery rhymes feature children’s verses and songs that are verbally passed down from one generation to another. But how many of us realize that many of the most popular English nursery rhymes for our kids are often extremely violent in nature, filled with tales of death and suffering, and often contain quite disturbing and tragic endings?

"Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after"

I believe you are familiar with this one. In this rhyme, Jack fell down and "broke his crown" (which basically means severely injured his head - I suppose this can possibly be deadly) after he and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Soon afterwards, he goes home only to endure terrible pain when he "went to bed and bound his head with vinegar and brown paper". Oh, it doesn't stop there. Jill gave an evil grin when she saw Jack's silly paper plaster. Unfortunately, their mother saw this smirk and got really angry and whipped her quite soundly for the whole incident.

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!"

Humpty Dumpty is another famous nursery rhyme that unfortunately ends in tragedy. Humpty Dumpty (a curious egg-like character) falls down from the wall that he had been sitting on. But no one, including the king's men could fix the unfortunate broken Humpty Dumpty - whom of course dies in the freak accident.
"Rock a bye baby on the tree top,
When the wind blows the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all."

This lullaby hints at quite possibly a very tragic ending. The baby is placed in a cradle, on top of the tree (for apparently no reason). The wind blows rather strongly, and the branch of the tree will seemingly eventually break so that the cradle (and the innocent baby inside it) will fall probably crash helplessly down on the ground. Don't ask me what would happen next. I personally feel that the lullabies we sing to our kids shouldn't have these types of nightmarish endings

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth,Without any bread,
Whipped them all soundly, and sent them to bed."

This old woman actually lives in a big shoe with her "oh so many" children. She doesn't really even know what to do with them. It seems that she's poor, stressed out and her children are pretty neglected. She doesn't even have any bread to go with the broth she made to feed her children. In any case, after she fed them, she beat them all thoroughly and put them to bed. She seems to be quite far from the ideal mother as well as poor, and abusive. What a mom...

"Goosey goosey gander where shall I wander,
Upstairs, downstairs and in my lady's chamber
There I met an old man who wouldn't say his prayers,
I took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs."

This nursery rhyme is another that is quite violent in nature. Basically it is about this kid who meets an old man who wouldn't say his prayers. The kid decides to take matters into his own hands and takes this old man's left leg and throws him down the stairs as a punishment. Does this kid really want to kill the old man or what?

"Peter Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn't keep her!
He put her in a pumpkin shell,
And there he kept her very well!"

This is about a man named Peter who loved to eat pumpkin. He had a wife but he couldn't keep her for some reason - probably neglected her. So what does he do? He stuffs her into a pumpkin shell and keeps her permanently in there. I don't know whether his wife would still be alive after an incident like this but realize that this pumpkin must be a pretty massively giant sized pumpkin. Okay, so he probably forget about the first wife. Soon after that, Peter gets married to another lady whom he didn't love at first. Peter who was also illiterate (a real find as far as husband material goes) eventually learns to read and finally starts to love his wife - from the second marriage.

"Ladybug ladybug fly away home,
Your house in on fire and your children are gone,
All except one and that's little Ann,
For she crept under the frying pan."

This ladybird was told to fly home after being informed that her house was on fire. Sadly, all her children died in the fire, except for one, named Little Ann. Unaware of the danger surrounding her, Little Ann actually crept under the warming pan. Unfortunately, we don't really know what really happened next. Although it is quite a disturbing nursery rhyme, we somehow hope that Little Ann survives in the end.

"Oh my darling, oh my darling,
My darling Clementine,
You are lost for me forever,
Dreadful sorry, Clementine.

Drove she ducklings to the water
Ev'ry morning just at nine,
Hit her foot aga

...

it ended there... i suppose there wasnt enough space to continue...

i got one to add myself too!

i'm popeye the sailor man!
i live in a frying pan!
i turn on the gas
and burn off my ass
i'm popeye the sailor man!!

pooph pooph!!!!

Halloween

2008-11-02T01:44:00.004+08:00

Happy Belated Halloween!

i got myself a good scare yesterday... watched Rec or some might call it [●REC]. some may know it better by the name of Quarantine, which is actually the english hollywood remake of Rec...

SPOILER ALERT!!! those in underline are spoilers!
from the start i knew that all will die... the only thing was who's next, who's last, and how will each one kena?

but yea, i came out of the cinema still shivering and nauseous, like the popcorn cannot go down like that... haha first time from a movie... cos it was so "real"...

anyways, i went home a happy man, feeling fulfilled that i scared myself on Halloween, my first time "celebrating" it with a private celebration unlike last year CLS got halloween night...

so i went to the petrol kiosk near my house to get some choc bars for my sis n bro and whoever wanted to eat... TRICK OR TREAT!!! haha well, i treated them. XD

today though, i went to the peranakan museum to help with the MOE some USEA Seminar... MWC had some stalls there and i was mening the bunga rampay one... then we all played cherki... so fun! cant wait to open table in the hotel room in melaka... (aunty?) silvia was so hyped when we were learning to play today... haha...

oh and yea back to the seminar, it was actually like some museum event for sec 1 kids from RGS, RI, VS and ACS(I) [urgh] haha... me alvin and unc rich's schs all not there... haha... so sad... anyway... just wanna say the kids were good... very attentive... some dont know how to cook, so they thought the pandan (screwpine) was grass. some dont know what they bath with, and thought soap really had flowers in them... (my dears, science and technology has something called floral extract. it would be a little insencible for them o put whole flowers in the soap, wouldnt it my dears?) so much for being from elite schools... (semi-elite schools LIKE SJI are best... haha)

ya... but it was too rowdy today la... something so floral, usually girls will like, but out of the 4 schools, 3 are boy's schs! they crowded the food and cherki area... my stall at least got free gift and free smells so they came over, but or old aunty doing the kasut manek... only a small handful of RGS girls and the rest were the teachers who took interest in ther work...

sigh...

and until now, i'm still wondering what does the U in USEA stand for... (SEA is South East Asia(n))... anyone can enlighten me in my tag? ty!

Keep Holding On

2008-10-30T23:38:00.004+08:00

there's light at the end of the tunnel. the misery-induced tunnel. the tunnel brought upon not by us, but by people who just want to own every piece of you.

but im glad. no, im glad-der. by abit. taking into comfort that there eventually be the end to the crap, an end to every story, every life. thanks to those (Yu n Rara) who spoke to us (me and MC/MainComm)

but to every end comes a new beginning. i was stalked and pestered by PE#1. no one has ever called me 6 times in a row, just to ask me a pathetic question. just one sms will do la bodoh. study so smart but still no brain. ha.

anyway i dedicate this song to those who have been involved in the SPAC(two)GO (writing here so that google wont find this when someone searches for the real name...

hold on, until the light appears, we can get out of this tunnel, if we keep holding on...

Keep Holding On
Avril Lagvine
The Best Damn Thing / OST Eragon

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side
You know I'll take your hand

When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holdin' on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just, stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you

There's nothing you can say (Nothin' you can say)
Nothing you can do (Nothin' you can do)
There's no other way when it comes to the truth

So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late
This could all disappear

Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side
I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend, Yeah yeah

Keep holdin' on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just, stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you

There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

Hear me when I say
When I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change
Nothing's gonna change destiny

Whatever's meant to be
Will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..

La da da da, la da da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holdin' on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you

There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

Ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh
Keep holdin' on
Ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh

Keep holdin' on
There's nothing you could say
Nohing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

STRESSED BEYOND THRESHOLD

2008-10-29T01:50:00.006+08:00

How stressful.

i have a total of 5 practicals this sem.

i completed 3 datasheets today. 2 more to go, couldnt do becos i dont have the data. if not i would have completed all 5 of them.

one datasheet was a semi-report. done that. i consider it as a report. so ya, i completed a report already.

tomorrow there is the SPAC2GO meeting. wsa supposed to be a "welcome party" but the director of CCOM couldnt make it so the party was postponed. BUT THE MEETING IS STLL ON.

NO. WAIT. WHAT MEETING? I BELEIVE IT WOULD BE ANOTHER INFORMATION OVERLOAD SESSION WHERE IT IS IN ONLY AND NO OUT.

AND I HAVE TO STAY FROM 12 FOR 4 HOURS JUST TO LISTEN TO THOSE SHIT WHICH WILL EVENTUALLY MAKE ME UNHAPPY FOR SOME REASONS I DO NO WISH TO DISCLOSE?

dont blame me if i do not turn up.

I am stressed beyond my threshold level.

and there is MORE TO COME

p.s. i think from the response of my tag board IE fixed their shit and my blog is up for IE again.
p.p.s. i will update my template and remove the thing, and reply my tags when the stress level drops below threshold.

Compassionate No More...

2008-10-24T02:23:00.009+08:00

What i feared was true.

mom confirmed it.

my sight left me, as a result of the tarnished "compassionate heart"

and i so know how it went wrong.

its time to heal it back, and find back my compassion

its time, to face, the truth. him.

but i wonder how will it turn out?

will it be Reconciliation "Have You Ever" by S Club?	vs	or The End "How To Save A Life" by The Fray?
Sometimes it's wrong to walk away Though you think it's over Knowing there's so much more to say Suddenly the moment's gone And all your dreams are upside down And you just wanna change the way the world goes round Tell me Have you ever loved and lost somebody Wish there was a chance to say I'm sorry Can't you see? That's the way I feel about you and me, baby Have you ever felt your heart was breaking Lookin' down the road you should be taking I should know 'Cause I loved and lost the day I let you go Can't help but think that this is wrong We should be together Back in your arms where I belong Now I finally realize, it was forever that I'd found I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round Tell me Have you ever loved and lost somebody Wish there was a chance to say I'm sorry Can't you see? That's the way I feel about you and me, baby Have you ever felt your heart was breaking Lookin' down the road you should be taking I should know (I should know) 'Cause I loved and lost the day I let you go I really wanna hear you say That you know just how it feels To have it all and let it slip away Can't you see? Even though the moment's gone I'm still holding on somehow Wishing I could change the way the world goes round Tell me Have you ever loved and lost somebody Wish there was a chance to say I'm sorry (I'm sorry) Can't you see? (oooh) That's the way I feel about you and me, baby Have you ever felt your heart was breaking Lookin' down the road you should be taking I should know (I should know) 'Cause I loved and lost the day I let Yes, I loved and lost the day I let Yes, I loved and lost the day I let you go	.	Step one you say we need to talk He walks you say sit down it's just a talk He smiles politely back at you You stare politely right on through Some sort of window to your right As he goes left and you stay right Between the lines of fear and blame And you begin to wonder why you came Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life Let him know that you know best Cause after all you do know best Try to slip past his defense Without granting innocence Lay down a list of what is wrong The things you've told him all along And pray to God he hears you And pray to God he hears you Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life As he begins to raise his voice You lower yours and grant him one last choice Drive until you lose the road Or break with the ones you've followed He will do one of two things He will admit to everything Or he'll say he's just not the same And you'll begin to wonder why you came Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life

20th was the 21st anniversary wedding of my parents.

2008-10-23T03:30:00.000+08:00

20th was the 21st anniversary wedding of my parents.

21st was the birthday of my dad.

And 22? It starts the 1 month countdown to my bithday!

(presents would be greatly appreciated. XD)

zahada

2008-10-20T01:57:00.001+08:00

I AM HOOKED ON ZAHADA!!!

stuck on 41!!!

I NEED TO (literally) THINK OUT OF THE BOX!!!

i got all the clues already, but somehow they just dont add up!

School has started.

2008-10-15T08:21:00.001+08:00

School has started.

People have changed. We've got people who weren't dating, now dating. We've got people still dating, now broken.

Shocking news, I knew whoever was whoever, both sides. Shocking news, but I only know until school has started. That makes me feel left out, but who cares?

The politics have begun, and it is only the second day of school since it reopened.

I should stop brooding on things... "Words Have Power", so say my GEMs teacher. Think positive and don't go emo. "Make the world a better place". Now shut up and listen to lesson... Blogging from the car to the com lab...

School Starts Tommorrow

2008-10-13T01:11:00.003+08:00

School Starts tommorrow. i hurt my back today. actually it was years ago but i never got treatment and it got worse today when i lifted something heavy.

back to school (pun). timetable sux. here is an example.

if you do not know how to read such timetables, the black slots are empty or void slots. the white ones are lessons. the grey ones (excluding the days and time) are the "even week" lessons which take over the lessons it is under for even weeks.

so basically let me sum it up for you.

lessons start at 8 everyday.
lessons end at 5 or 5.30 for monday, tuesday and friday.
lessons end at 12 on wednesday.
lessons end at 2 on friday, after staying back for one lesson after lunch.
lessons have little or no break in between, the most common breaks are half an hour breaks, which are practically useless and get eaten into by the teachers.

GEMs still suck. i'm still stuck in Psychology, and my teacher is the module coordinator (or at least i think she is). no one heard my plea of changing to math games and puzzles. not even God. maybe its his will that i learn it and become either a psycho-logist or a psyco without a logist.

am i (with gusto here ->) "All Geared Up And Ready To Go!" for a new semester? not so. all i got prepared now at 1.30am, 6 and a half hours before school reopens is a new pen, a new pen refill, a new phone (not so cos i got it last sem but never got to use it during lesson time), a new watch (which im not used to yet), a new BLOODY TIMETABLE and an old attitude.

on a lighter note, i made quite a number of new friends from the SPAC2GO bonding camp...

theres...

Yi Ling -> hey binary code! (yiling=1-0=binary code [10110=22] haha nice knowing you there..
RenSen -> my husband/wife... (cos our forfeit we have a skit tgt and he was my spouse.)
MingJie -> Jane's Clasmate! finally someone from DMC in SPAC2GO!
ZhiHao -> quiet guy who we know as gorilla and talks only to hongde. =)
(notice how i got Mingjie and Zhihao, whom i know 2 others with the same name but both from sec 4 class, and how mingjie always kena bullied by zhihao...)
Ashraf and Zurin -> hey! i heard zurin is actually a Suria Actor! my second Child-Actor Friend! (first being Dennis/peng xiang from chn 8) and ashraf, another great guy man...

Darren ->special guy... best bud, from pri sch to sec sch to poly... XD

and the rest, cheng siong, pingyi, etc omg i cant rmb your names all...

and not forgetting all my ol friends already in spac2go..
Hidayah, Malcolm, Michelle, Joseph, Cynthia,Yulanda, Thahirah, Zhiyin, Amirah, Shiffa, Hongde, Weikeong, Mei Jun, omg i sry if i left you guys out..

and not forgetting, Xuan Ming and Daniel... ty!!! TY FOR THE GREAT 2 DAYS!

and oh, i did my first trail... for biennale... it was Dunman High... the goup of people were half interested in art. the other were just obligated to go or else looking to the "upskirt" for the dancer... haha... got paid but also got underpaid... gonna get topped up in my next trail! yay! (hope i get SRJC for 18th oct... my timetable DOES NOT allow me to do on weekdays.)

ok gotta go TRY to sleep. sch tmr. i bet im gonna be late for GEMs.

and to all those who got here from YiLing's blog, WELCOME!

2008-10-09T00:35:00.001+08:00

i went reading my previous posts.

i read about my grandma.

i feel sad inside again.

i dont know what to say.

He wouldn't care.

2008-10-08T03:00:00.000+08:00

It's been bothering me. And finally a few days ago, I realized that he
had indeed "exiled me from his mind". So much for me loosing sleep,
for me falling into depression and affecting my studies.

I don't know what to do. I see him online and he is studying and I'm
like did I really not get into his head? Is that all in mine?

Does he really not know the real reason why to this date I still
loathe him? I hate him? Does he not know that? Does he think that it
is all what he thinks that it was as simple as CFP?

I want to tell him but I don't know how. And no ones helping. The
whole world is doesn't care.

Why should I anyway? I'm "exiled from his mind" anyway. He's so busy
studying he wouldn't care about me and how I feel and how I've been
feeling all these while. He's thinks of himself only anyway..

He would never know that CFP meant nothing to those 3 words he said
that set off everything. He would never know that I felt betrayed
twice, when I not only got no comfort and consolation from him when my
grandma passed on, but a second time when he sent me al email citing a
totally wrong reason why I was pissed with him for the past 2 years.
He would never know that he changed me for the worse, he made me
change from a selfless person to a complete selfish bastard, from a
super friendly guy who befriends everyone from the pai kia to the
outcasts to the nerds, and changed me to someone who calculates all
the risk before making that one friend. And just when poly started
school. And I hated that. He would never know that I lost whatever
faith he instilled in me, the day he said those words. He would never
know that I saw him at the garden festival, and started running away
from him. He would never know how awkward I felt on teachers day and I
tried to shun him whenever I could, and when I said that I want to go
and see other teachers when talking to mr lim and he barged in, was
actually a ploy to get rid of him from my sight.

And even if he knew any of these, he wouldn't care. I bet he wouldn't
come here until someone directs him here.

He wouldn't.

Sent from my iPhone

GEMs? no. HEADACHEs

2008-10-06T22:30:00.003+08:00

that is UTTERLY STUPID!!!

i signed in using firefox at 1100hrs, 00 sec. after realising i was on firefox, which they have not updated the system, to allow firefox to sign up, i switched on my IE.

i saw the spaces left. from 10 spaces, im down to 0.

i saw was devastated. i quickly scanned for my second and only choice, with only 1 space left.

i quiclkly signed up, and saw the time, 1103hrs,37 sec.

all it took was less than 3 minutes to get ALL 10 SPACES TO BE FILLED UP.

i hate the system now.

for Science and Technology, there is only TWO CLASSES on monday morning slot. THIS IS RIDICULUS! what if i dont get my second choice, what do i sign up for?

and why is there only 2 classes? cos the year 1s and 2s/3s are seperated. there used to be 2 clases for each slot. now, FORGET IT.

is there anyone who is in monday morning class for Math Games and Puzzles and want to switch to monday morning Psycology and Counselling?

Siapa Baba?

2008-10-03T02:23:00.002+08:00

The Main Wayang Company

in collaboration with Republic Polytechnic

is proud to present

Siapa Baba?


A multi-media milestone musical that takes us back to re-discovering the roots of our Baba Culture,
reviving dreams & visions of our forefathers, as we search forward into the future.
We take a-part of the traditional & trade-in the modern with a refreshing & new approach to presenting it in a ‘Wayang Peranakan Modern’.
Entertaining, educational and fun-filled for the whole family as we discover who is a Baba.

GET YOUR TICKETS HERE!: (or you can go through me @ 9172 2970 or roykwok22@gmail.com)

Dates / Showtimes / Tickets

Friday, 21 November 2008 - 8:00pm
STALL TICKETS - $20 / $30
CIRCLE TICKETS - $20

Saturday, 22 November 2008 - 3:00 pm
STALL TICKETS - $15 / $20
CIRCLE TICKETS - $15

Saturday, 22 November 2008 - 8:00pm
STALL TICKETS - $20 / $30
CIRCLE TICKETS - $20

Please click on the above options to book your tickets now!

There will be pre-show activities and a Baba bazaar at the foyer before each performance.
Make sure your reach there at least 1 hour before show time to enjoy the fun!

Venue :

The Republic Cultural Centre, Theatre

Republic Polytechnic 9 Woodlands Ave 9 (near Woodlands MRT Station)

Nice To Meet You!!!

2008-10-01T03:33:00.000+08:00

What a great day to meet people... When I step out of my house, making
my way to the school of thought for the biennale trail training, on
the way to redhill station, I saw shawn from sji who lives a few
blocks from me, but I only know after I left SJI...

Then I went to bugis, to make my way to SOT, and then I saw the
juggler guy I met on Saturday for causewy point's annovasary
celebration... And the thing is, he saw me and recognized me and he
actually waved back! Wen I just came up the escalator he just went
down... And we met only for a day, never talked much but he
remembered... Wow...

And the other suprise is, when I got to SOT, guess who I saw! Flora!
She got roped in to do the trails with me too!! But I got roped in cos
of my bro, and she got roped in cos of her course... And most prob
Aaron and co...

And finally we went to south beach camp and city hall, the exhibits
are nice... Diff feel from last biennale's, each has their own
goodness...

Can't wait to start dealing with the kidos!!!

(my favourite piece is the dancer at south beach camp, suprisingly...
And I think I'm more of an installation art person... I tend to like
to think about how the art relates to the surroundings...)

Sent from my Ayefone

THe "How To Make Your Object Transparent In Photoshop" Tutorial

2008-09-21T23:57:00.004+08:00

This is for Bryan...

here is the "tutorial" for ya... and all those out there who needs to know how to make something "transparent" in photoshop...

How To:
I'm gonna make the red circle transparent/translucent to about 50% visibility.

In the top right hand corner of the Layers panel, there is an Opacity option (circled in blue)

Click on the arrow pointing towards the right of the function, a drag bar will appear. Drag it towards the left, to the wanted level of transparency, in this case 50%

Done! you can do this dragging method, or simply change the value of 100% to required value for more specific results.

There! The Fool Proof Tutorial on How To Make Your Object Transparent in Photoshop! Specially for You, Byran!

Noodles and Rice

2008-09-08T14:10:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered this? How a term coined by someone who doesn't even
speak that language, and it soon takes over the world...

Let me show you an example...

In Taiwan, they have recently came up with the term "Q" to show that
the noodles cooked are tangy, springy on the outside but soft on the
inside...

Like comeon! They don't even know how to speak proper English! Now a
"Q"?

Thank God, I gave done some research and realized that the Taiwanese
have not done theirs... This term to describe the noodles and rice,
was not originally coined by the Taiwanese, who like to claim a lot of
things as theirs, like our national dish Ice Kachang, which by the way
as here in Singapore way before the chua ping was famous in Taiwan...

Back to the noodles... The people who coined the phrase were the true
food lovers, the Italian... And the phrase is: Al Dente

Four, Three, Six!

2008-09-05T05:29:00.001+08:00

Hoho.. This is my first entry since after exams... Not gonna talk
about that...

Recently, I went for the star trek thing in the student development
program and it was wonderful... More about that when I can get to
transfer my pictures...

Last night, I went for 436's gathering at Ang's house... Though not
many turned up cos jc having prelims next week, but we still had a
good time...

Of was real good to see my friends again, some of which I have not
seen for 2 years running... We had fun, played games like we used to
back in SJI, it's great to see all of us back together again... And
that strange feeling of being back in SJI studying suddenly came
back... It was like I totally forgotten I was in poly and the rest in
jc and that we have all moved on in our lives...

And when we left, I felt that feeling in graduation... That "I'm gonna
miss you guys and I seriously don't know when I'll see you all again"
feeling... Dang hate that...

We all haven't changed much... Jeremy is still as cow and monkey as
ever, Chao and Zhao, needless to say... Robo, still robotic, weihao
still him... Matt, Alf, Jin, cheeky still... Me? I'm still fat...
Haha...

But we all have one change for sure... Well maybe not jeremy 'cept for
the fact that his cow got thrown away, but, we all have grown
mature... Look at Ang... He was a good host, not as playful as
before... Ma was incharge of the grill, don't know if he would even be
cooking for us back in sec 4... Lin has a gf, toned Down a lot...

And we have changed in looks too... Weikang has grown fitter, muscles
and all, he's got specs... Ma's slimmer, so is Ang, Janan's more
skater/punk/goth whatever he is with all his piercings and all, and
the list goes on.. Oh, we never knew he took up smoking since sec 2...
And he's learning to cut down now... That's good...

We all grew to what we are today, but still remained who we are, we
are, will be and forever remain, the Insipid but Rise-To-The-Ocasion-
ers, 436!

p.s.: thank God e was sick that day... if not it would be so awkward for me and i wouldnt have such a great time...

HYPOCRITE

2008-08-14T00:39:00.004+08:00

Imagine this:

you need to borrow 100 bucks from me. i dont have it with me now. you need my help. ok, so i help you. i take time off my busy and tight schedule to help you. and to help you, i have to get out of my office, walk to the nearest ATM which is 2 lanes away in a shopping mall, enter into the mall and search for the ATM. i found the ATM and waited for my turn, behind like 10 people. when i get to the machine, it so happens to run out of cash. so i have to look for another one, 5 lanes away. so i walked all the way there, and finally got the money for you. and all this while while i was trying to HELP YOU, you were on the phone SCOLDING ME.

"fucker, loser, asshole, everything is your fault, you should go and die. but, i need your help. help me. now."

Imagine that.

Dont you feel...

like...

why should i help you? why shouldn't i just not help and watch you die without my help? since helping you means you scold me for nothing?

and that was what i felt it was like.

at least you said a miserable thanks.

and no sorry was heard.

New Blogskin!

2008-08-14T00:09:00.004+08:00

Hey peeps!!

Surprise! How'd you like my new blogskin? XD

haha made it today... my fastest yet... like in just 6 hours... yea still long... but hey it was between dinner and watching Sayang Sayang and the Olympics Opening Highlights... and oh, not forgetting the soooo many interruptions i get here and there... like... "Answer the phone!!!" and the dog and cat... XD

but yea... i got inspired by the song you're hearing... and i just heard it only yesterday... on ghost whisperer Season 2 on Starworld (episode 18 [Children of Ghosts] or something like that...) ... not that i've not heard it before, but i only realised the nice song after watching the repeat of that episode...

oh, to let you in on a secret, i've added a little black square in the top left hand corner of the screen as another hotspot, so that when you want to return to the first image (the wings) you just click there and voala! see the CD Cover!

so yea... had a lot of fine tuning to do... and i had the "Classic CD Cover" look in mind... nice? nice?? XD

The Largest Human Singapore Flag EVER MADE!!!

2008-08-12T02:36:00.008+08:00

The Largest Human Singapore Flag

if you've read my previous post, you should know that on national day, while you all were slacking at home watching the olympics and then the parade, i was working on the padang. the following pictures should tell it all... sadly i was so busy that i could not take much pictures with the camera i brought along. so, here i am, showing you the long awaited "official" pictures of Young NTUC's event.

and to show you that i was there, i (desperately) managed to find some shots of them in me... circled in green... the colour of the shirt the helpers were wearing...

Plastic sheets laid out to form 0.9m x 0.9m squares, one for each person.
Can you believe that i actually did more than half of that flag (from about mid of the third tent, and this is only half the flag...), starting from 7pm, ending at 11.30pm, the night before national day?

and to illustrate how big the whole thing was, just look at the pic at the very top, if u put the flag upright, it would stand even higher than the chopsticks war memorial! it is WAYYY bigger than your ordinary football field... according to SP's field, its about twice the size?

This is Edmund. My brother's friend turned family friend. XD

Me in green. Silvia here is one of the heads... i am recognisable by my size and white cap...
In this situation i was confronted with a malay woman in her tudong as she wanted to leave the site (meaning an empty square and hole in the flag). she caused me a lot of trouble.

THE FLAG!!!

They had live broadcast going about there... got me, but i was caught off guard... haha
Singapore Skyline!

This guy here is the ORIGINAL singer of our favourite song: Count On Me Singapore
This flag here makes the new Union logo... but upside down...

I was covered by the flag pole...
if you're wondering why i can remember the places that i am in the shots, its cos so happen at the time of this shot i was posted to do the ushering of the last section, and they havent open the section yet, and i was posted in the middle section...

Circled in green, me. there, middle section...

Would be great of the helicopter was there too...

Saving the best for last, take a look at this video... when the flag comes it its beautifully spectacular!

BLOODY... !!!

2008-08-08T02:53:00.002+08:00

God its going to rain like... soon... the winds are blowing... its the 8 of the 7 today... and the wind just blow in making those weird sounds... and for a moment thought it said

"mummy mummy mummy i want......."

then those whistles, then

"i waaaaaa(*)aaaaaaaaa-aaahhh-waaah-waaaah (crying)"

*high pitched sound/transition...

then the wind blew and the doors wen knocking...

yes, though i've heard them before, and they dont sound anything like that, but its still creepy...

OH SHIT I SWEAR I JUST HEARD S PIANO KEY/NOTE COMING FROM THE MAIN DOOR!!! ok i'm gonna sleep now.

Today.

2008-08-08T02:09:00.003+08:00

Today is the 7th of the 7th. think i saw something in class today... miss chan's

anyway, its a good day... woke up thought i was running late, so i rushed as usual. budden, i realised that i planned everything for a 12 pm class, but it was a 1pm class.. so had and extra hour to study lab management and biosafety (LMBS)

did the test, managed to crap some answers out, walked out of the test-LT feeling not so bad... at least i can get about 20 marks from 24 for mr goh, but for dr yuen, its X out of 26 marks... 4 marks gone in goh's cos i totally dont understand the C&B 001 feb 2005 document from SAC-SINGLAS website. haha.

immediately after their test was ENV SCI retest. EVI SCI meant environmental science. thought it was another screwed test like its predecessor (the actual first test on tuesday) where many people failed... i ended the LMBS paper 15 min early so that i got time to study for the retest, which everyone was taking. so, ha! i only managed to read tru most of Dr xu's water pollution, which i totally skipped for the 1st test. lo and behold, by just reading that chapter (and following my gut more than common sense), i managed to get an improvement of 18 marks! from a on-the-spot-JUST-PASS 20 to a 68 marks! haha! eat your shorts!

so it was an early day off, BINSAN was cancelled. wait. it was an early HAPPY day off... passers passed better, fail-ers failed by less... so we decided to celebrate by a long awaited movie flick... wanted to watch the mummy... but libin said it was boked by kelvin so she cant watch alr... we were all argueing until dong rmbed that today was the SG release of Journey to the Center of the Earth... ok, not bad an idea, since i saw teri's blog's review that mummy was a disappointment, and i didnt mind since it was another flick on my list. brendan fraser was in both movies, but that didnt matter. it didnt matter that he was a brendan too. wait. isit brendan or brandon?

so yea... a little spoilers here, if you wanna watch Journey to the Center of the Earth, Skip this post now...

A not-too-vad show, i give it a ranking of 4 out of 5, though i might get it overratted sometimes, and distracted by.. bin's talking and dong's commentary-plus-fortunetelling (he spoils our show by telling us that the dinosaur is on top of him... and that it is a dino...) and brian's random-drink-snatching-from-2-seats-away and worst is xiao tong's cuddling-up-to-the-person-beside-her-whenever-she-gets-scared (unfortunately it was me and brian) only shirlyn was best cos i could not hear her... haha... she hates talking when watching show... like me.. haha... (i just noticed that the names get longer and longer...)

so yea. this kid, sean (Josh Hutcherson) was placed in the care of his uncle trevor (Brendan Fraser) and they discovered that their sean's dad and trev's bro, max, was some volcanologist and disappeared years ago. so they discovered taht in max's fav book the journey to the center of the earth, he made some markings and notes... and then miraculously a new hotspot emerges on the map and they go there, investigates, and meets this babe Hannah (Anita Briem). so they go climb a mountain, and oops, falls into something, and, as you would imagine, find the center of the earth. so they found max's body there, and they buried his body there, miles below the earth's crust, where theres sea and a very beaautiful scenary, and then sean starts to cry. then trev reads a part of max's diary and they start crying together, huggin each other... (sean/josh look convincingly real that he was crying) that was a touching scene, like the 881 one, the people behind were sniffing, i myself almost cried but bin and dong had to spoil the moment for me by talking and commentary AGAIN. hah.

then the story continues with how they get out, we all awe at their genius, and finally, when they go get out, i beleive the smartest of all was sean... he manaed to bag some diamond out of the core of the earth. so they're now rich.. haha... end of story.

then there were the stupid moments like trevor being dumb thinking it max's notes were encrypted, and started using the periodic table to decipher it. but smart sean just read it out, and then googled it on his psp and found it was the name of an icelandic volcanologist (hannah's father.)

and there was te shock moments when the dino came out... the awe moments when they found the jewels, the scenery, the luminous birds, etc, the list goes on...

the whole movie in one sentence?

Maple Story goes to Hollywood.

oh, did i mention the magnetic rock formation where sean gets trapped on, and he has to jump out of it just like super mario and maple? yea... just like those moving peices of land... only this time, you fall, theres no restarting...

and oh, the bird was soooo cute!!!

National Day

2008-08-06T00:23:00.001+08:00

National day is coming and i'll be working...

see the video, that was last year.. wasnt involved...

this year, i'll be doing something similar, but more people, and its not umbrellas, its now led torch lights...

mcq tests are bad. MSTs are worst

2008-08-05T15:55:00.001+08:00

get it off my mind...

2008-08-04T23:29:00.006+08:00

shouldnt be doing this now, havent started studying for environmental science test 2 tomorrow... and its heavy reading... sigh... anyways

been thinking about it...

since he doesnt read blogs, or so he proclaims or else he secretly reads and spys on people like he used to tell me he does... if he does read it, all the more better...

i guess the big question i've been asking myself would no longer be relevant: what if one day, i am just walking down the street, mindng my own business, then all of a sudden i meet him? what will my first reaction be? will i go up and say hi, like nothing happened before? or run away, like he is some disease or the Mr Wolf in the game What Is The Time Mr Wolf?

well, i know the answer. and for questions like these, it is when you are put in that spot that you know what you will do.

my reaction:
OH FUCK*
Run away, hide behind something and hope that they dont see you, wondering what the hell are they doing here.

*I dont use vulgarities unless its in situations where im really emotional, like angry, shocked, or stuff like that...

now, its time to change the question to: What will you do if you are to meet them AGAIN? when will you be prepared to face up to reality?

i spoke to wan rong about it... both she and qiang said: go face it up, stop hiding. but i was afraid. i wasnt prepared. i didnt want to take the next step and i hope everything was like before which it isnt. so i decided to let nature take its course and if God was to let us meet, so be it.

but i couldnt help but defy God's actions. i unknowingly kept a constant look out for my surroundings, and when they got near to me again, i turned around and headed for the other direction as quick as possible. Sorry God, please forgive me.

but the strange thing was, after i saw them for the one last time, and never was i to see them again, perhaps they left, i felt bad, and decided that it was really up to fate now... and this time, i was looking out for them not to run away, but to see his reactions.

when i was ready to face up to it, it was too late...

maybe he also saw me and could not face me too? maybe he didnt see me but the other one did and told him? i did see the other glance in my direction...

whatever the case, if he does see this, let fate decide. emails, no matter how convenient they are to send messages, theres a chance of consideration in replying. sometimes i dont reply cos i just dont know how to. is there a better way to solve this? God?

Wan rong gave me this link.

Singapore Garden Festival 08

2008-08-02T19:12:00.005+08:00

haha... been to the fest the second time, and this time, i'm satisfied...

went on friday 1st aug with sis veron, bro (or pet? XD) weiqiang and a little of yew tai. well, a little cos he went with us, but we kena pang sehed by him cos he view the fest with his girlfriend... opps i left out the hyphen... i meant girl-friend.. hehe... (meaning female friend)

Veron with her hands covering her face for some reason =), me and Wei Qiang

so yea... we had a fun time... the 2 of us... qiang was like a little kid... everytime he saw smoke, everytime he saw bubbles, he went WAAAA.... wonder what he missed out on his childhood... haha... jkjk...

meet a few people there... believe i saw my friend's mom... since p 5! haha then i was like a digital camera spokesman like that... on 2 separate accounts, people came and ask me how to use their camera! well, its actually very simple. put it as elderly people who dont know how to use their newly bought camera to take photos. period. one didnt know how to get into play mode, the other didnt know what "memory card full" meant. 10 shots, 16 mb, second visit to the festival just to take pictures... poor thing..

i also became an interview subject for some school... but they were like... asking me in chinese... a big NO NO!!! but i answered in english anyway...

students: 您最欣赏的作品那一个？为什么呢？

me: err... errr.. 我可以用英语讲吗？

students: 可以...

me: ok. my favourite piece would be F04, because it... it... captures my fantasy most... (well, thats cos my dream place would be amongst grasslands and beautiful nature, like the lord of the rings scenery... that means New Zealand. yes, gabby, rejoice, i yearn to go to NZ for its sights, sounds and mutton. ha!)

(the second question was like i totaly dont understand... so they had to repeat the question a second time, and then later yet again in simple chinese...)

students (translated): They say singapore is a garden city, what do you think about this statement?

me: well, yes, singapore is striving to be a garden city, but we are not there yet, there are many things which we can improve on...

(veron wanted to add that we have a lot of hidden heroes like the road sweepers for example to thank for but they left before she cuould budge in)

well, what i meant was that singapore is beautiful with all the trees and greenery planted in the country... but ferns and trees and the occasional palm and bougainvillea and ixora doesn't really amount to a garden... we have seen orchids and other flowers bloom for the IMF-WB meeting a few years back and it was B-E-A-U-tiful... so why not invest a little more to beautify our country? no, no need for beautiful orchids (which i dont mind having our national flower Vanda Miss Joachim planted everywhere around in our island, which we dont see except in that tiny plot of land called the Vanda Miss Joachim Park or something...) yea.. dont need orchids, but other flowers can do... like hydrangea, daisy, (tulips and lavender would be nice but its too hot for them as i learnt from the garden fest,) mona lavender, hibiscus, lilies (ooo my favourite flowers!) bird of paradise (strelitzia), anthuriums and the list goes on...

had some nice shots... out of a total of 210 pictures i took, here are some...

Puching Daisies!

I believe these are Marigolds

First time i see a real lavender... I'm proudest of this shot... the whole batch of lavenders were dried up after 8 days of exhibition but they all look so alive when i took this! (~~Pushing~~ Shooting ~~Daisies~~ Lavenders!)

The little boy's amazed... aww...

My favourite fantasy home... F04

Can you figure who this is? not many can... its... Mao Ze Dong!

Veron: Romeo, Romeo, Where Art Thou Now?

Spring

Summer

(Not in the previous set but) Winter. where's autumn?

I Love Lilies!

Imagine this is my home..

Xiao Qiang and his Cousin, me being the extra... hehe...

Vanda Miss Joachim... our National Flower!!! Chantek Neh!

I like this orchid cos its black... the Vanda Mimi Palmer..

Me and Veron went to buy a pot each of this breed home... And mine's blooming just fine! in fact, one bud just bloomed today, 2 days after buying it! i'm so proud!

I love this shot...

it seemed so... feathery...

Notice the twirls?

Even the pillars of the Convention Hall were so beautifully decorated...

Guess Who? yep, its Ah Qiang... XD

Don't you just LOOOOVVVEEE orange? haha Coincidently when we both chanced upon this orchid we both exclaimed "WOW! ORANGE! I LIKE!!!"

This caught my eye - it reminded me of an opera singer

After i took this shot, many people took the same shot as me... see, i'm a crowd puller... XD

Singapore's Merlion was there too!!! if you see carefully, its spouting water...

This is actually a real orchid, coated in 24 carat gold... Singapore technology!

Dragonfruits FRESH for you! See 'em grow!

And on the way home, i saw Aunty Marlene's GIANT advertisement for Great Eastern at Citylink MRT station... haha about her own height, but face is more than twice bigger...

Ayam Buah Keluah

2008-07-31T01:10:00.005+08:00

Ayam Buah Keluak.

Chicken cooked with some black nuts, native of south east asia.

i've always wondered where this black nut comes from... though i already know.

its more of a "i've always wondered what is the scientific name of this nut? we have been calling it buah keluak buah keluak all these while... when i asked for an english name, its always "some black nut from indonesia"

well, i've done some research online, and it took me to this name:

Buah Keluak: the nut of the kepayang tree (Pangium elude) a member of the Achariaceae [previously the flacourtia family (Flacourtiaceae)].

Pangium elude

The oily, hard-shelled seeds superficially resemble Brazil nuts. Meaty seeds are edible after the poisonous hydrocyanic acid is removed by soaking and boiling them in water (or burying them under volcanic ash for a hundred days). Fermented kluwak nuts become chocolate-brown, greasy and very slippery. Cooked seeds are used in a number of popular Peranakan and Indonesian dishes.

"Hydrogen cyanide is a chemical compound with chemical formula HCN. A solution of hydrogen cyanide in water is called hydrocyanic acid. Hydrogen cyanide is a colorless, very poisonous, and highly volatile liquid that boils slightly above room temperature at 26 °C (78.8 °F). HCN has a faint, bitter, almond-like odor that some people are unable to detect due to a genetic trait.^[1] Hydrogen cyanide is weakly acidic and partly ionizes in solution to give the cyanide anion, CN^–. The salts of hydrogen cyanide are known as cyanides. HCN is a highly valuable precursor to many chemical compounds ranging from polymers to pharmaceuticals. " -Wikipedia

Tarot

2008-07-30T03:16:00.004+08:00

did a tarot reading online for free with the question: "Will i ever befriend him again?"

Tarot for Anonymous

	The Relationship spread provides insight into the interaction between two people or entities. It is the spread of choice for questions about partnerships, be they in romance or business. The Rider Waite Tarot is the most widely recognized Tarot deck, and the first deck published in the 20th century. It was created by members of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, and is especially suited to questions of a mystical nature. If you would like your own copy of the Rider Waite Tarot, you can buy it now!
	The card at the top left represents how you see yourself. Page of Pentacles: The essence of earth, such as a mountain: The surprising appearance of new prosperity and opportunities for advance in the physical world. One who delights in the pleasures of the body, material things, and nature. The embrace of hard work, realistic goals, and scholarly perseverance as a means to create solid achievement. Dependability, trust, and a studious nature. May portend a new job or promotion.
	The card at the top right represents how you see your partner. Four of Wands (Completion), when reversed: Squandering a great and hard won victory through decadence and laziness. Failing to reward those truly responsible for an achievement. Using past accomplishments as an excuse to ignore current problems. Abandoning the very qualities that brought about initial success.
	The card in the center left represents how you feel about your partner. Nine of Wands (Strength): A pause in the current struggle to ready oneself. Preparation to meet the final conclusive onslaught. Forces assembled in anticipation of trials and tribulations. The steeling of the will to stand or fall. A line drawn in the sand.
	The card in the center right represents what stands between you and your partner. Death: A major change or transformation, possibly traumatic and unexpected. Freedom from the shackles of the past. A new beginning. Death coupled with rebirth, usually related to consciousness and lifestyle.
	The card in the lower left represents how your partner sees you. Two of Swords (Peace), when reversed: Indecision due to contradictory characteristics brought together. Tension in the aftermath of a quarrel that has been resolved. Scheming, abuse of trust, and agreements made in bad faith. Allowing the mind to block off the emotions. Self deception as a means of justifying cruel acts.
	The card in the lower right represents what your partner feels about you. King of Pentacles: The essence of earth behaving as air, such as a diamond: A true businessman, with a gift for identifying opportunities and taking advantage of them. A person well informed about the world, skilled in all things physical, and eager to encourage others. A pillar of practicality and dependability, embracing tried and tested methods, and possessing an innate understanding of the material reality. A philanthropist and devotee of both luxury and hard work, whose word is as good as gold.
	The card in the center represents the present status or challenge of the relationship. Four of Pentacles (Power), when reversed: Using your power freely for your own enjoyment and the betterment of others. Coming to grips with progress and using your position to help it along. Finding security and identity someplace other than in the possession of material things. Letting go and encouraging others to find their own path. Being magnanimous and generous with your success.

dream

2008-07-30T02:26:00.005+08:00

Recently i had a dream of Me and Brendan doing something together... i cant remember much, only that i dont have the feeling of what i expected, in fact i dont have the feeling of that big wall between me and him, that we are still friends like in sji... no wait... it feels more like... like... hard to describe but its like on the good terms... there was no filling of fear...

i dreamt we were in some event... like some sort of treasure hunt or searching for something... at some train station... not those mrt ones... but train...

train
To see a train of cars moving in your dreams, you will soon have cause to make a journey. To be on a train and it appears to move smoothly along, though there is no track, denotes that you will be much worried over some affair which will eventually prove a source of profit to you. To see freight trains in your dreams, is an omen of changes which will tend to your elevation. To find yourself, in a dream, on top of a sleeping car, denotes you will make a journey with an unpleasant companion, with whom you will spend money and time that could be used in a more profitable and congenial way, and whom you will seek to avoid.

Hiding
If the dreamer is searching for someone or something, there is something missing, either an idea or an actual object, that she needs to find and make use of. Other symbols in the dream could reveal exactly what that is.

the pillars of the station were green, and we were both wearing white

Green
Growth and serenity. There are projects which you are enthusiastic about. Great pleasures from simple things.
Peace. Tranquillity. The Earth. Money. A journey. Good news

White
People feel they can rely on you. You have an abundance of energy and vitality
Purity. Success well earned.

the train station was like bustling and like a long street...

Street

A dream of unfamiliar streets indicates that travel is ahead, either actual physical travel or exploring new fields of endeavor.
Walking down a very long street is an admonition to be patient. You'll attain whatever goals you're currently working toward, but not for quite some time.

we were talking to each other as we searched for whatever we were looking for...

Speaking
If someone is speaking to you and yet you don't hear what he or she is saying, then there is some sort of situation in your life that you don't understand, and which you need to understand. Again, for the actual message, look to other symbols in the dream.

what can this dream mean? is it telling me that eventually, i will find peace, after i get to understand something? but i need patience, and it will be a long road that will eventually pay off?

i havent replied the email cos i dont know how to...

Right? Left?

2008-07-29T23:59:00.003+08:00

does she turn clockwise or anti clockwise?

If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.

Most of us would see the dancer turning anti-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22556281-661,00.html

I'm a clockwiser.. tag ur results!

Season of Festivals

2008-07-27T02:48:00.003+08:00

'Tis the season to be festive... hua-lah-lah-lah-lah, lah-lah-lah-lah...!!!

Its really the festive season huh... weekend to be exact... first, on friday, aka yesterday my sis and i went to the Singbellz Festival, singapore's first handbells festival... it was awesome... i went for the concert at YMS Arts Center, it may be small as i have known it since before, but it sure is an advantage for handbells... the Ministry Of Bellz were fantastic, to the point that i wanted to fall asleep... haha... well, thats what handbells do... XD

their show was combined with the Festival Ensemble made up of people who took part in some festival event to train, consisting MOB people, the Embellishment people and students from MGS... they had guest ringers The Embellishment from Hongkong... but i can tell you, ALL of them weren't great... except for MOB!!! XD the HK ppl werent good... they were weak in ringing in a sense when they ring got no sound... and also they not sure of the pieces... their attire was bad... jeans an a polo? to perform? while MOB wore formal black with either purple tie or scarf... TWO ENDS MAN!

anyway, went there in support of Damien, Melody and Alex... and Mel conducted! XD hehe... wel, not forgetting the peopel from the Anak Baba Band... can't quite rmb their names cept for Chuan Rui... XD used to have Jokhie and his sis but i heard they left... anyways, WELL DONE ALEX AND MEL AND DAMIEN!!! WELL DONE MOB!!!

after that, since YMS arts center was at waterloo st, me and my sis popped to the next lane at National Museum of Singapore for the Night Festival... they had free entry to NMS but had to go home as it was alr 10 pm... haiz... i must go in one day... haha.. anyway, i saw the lighting that they put up at the Singapore Art Museum on the way and it was B-E-A-U-TIFUL... what they did was to get mega projectors, and they sketched out the museum's outline in white on black background... then they super imposed the sketch onto the real building... it was a magnificent sight to see my sec sch's old building go up in such beauty... if i can get hold of my sis's phone i'll transfer the image out...

then today i went to the Singapore Garden Festival 08... IT WAS FABULOUS!!! trust me, go go go!!! i started on the 6th floor, and thought it was great... until i went to the 4th where they had the orchid show, and I WAS STUNNED BY WHAT I SAW!!!

Let the pictures do the talking...

Thats it for now, i'll upload the rest later... gtg sleep... tmr gotta wake up early cos there's Ramay Ramay tomorrow... another festival gathering for the peranakans! Baba dan Nyonya, Mari Jolly Jolly! Joget, Makan, Jing Huah Hee! Mari Kita Buat Lau Jiet!

Oh, btw, i'll be going to the garden fest again coming friday with SISTER VERON from 2b21... we had a deal... and, i dont mind, since i havent seen finish the whole place and i need more pictures!!! anyone who wants to come along, DO JOIN US!!! its only 3 bucks per student on weekdays... with a passion card, its only 75% to 80% of that price which is only about $2.25 to $2.50 only!!! cheap steal!

Get The Hint?

2008-07-25T01:04:00.003+08:00

A smiling face above a mask,
A crying mask behind thick walls.
If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then this thousand-word essay is but a false.

I sit here typing all this crap,
Riding on the Emo-wagon so fad,
With stress and death all around me,
Tomorrow's concert should make me glad.

But I'll be attending it alone
With no one but my sister and me
For sadly, I find myself solo at times,
While my mates die out with their own ecstasy.

No, its not about my sister,
Its not that she's bad or anything
But i feel forsaken, beaten and empty,
Like a pitiful, Friend-less soul, wandering

Get the hint?

BOOM DE YA DA!!!

2008-07-22T01:33:00.006+08:00

I am sad... but i got cheered up by the latest Discovery Channel Commercial "I Love The Whole World", or "The World Is Awesome" or, simply, "Boom De Ya Da/Boomdeatta"

take a look...

ENJOY!

6

2008-07-21T23:16:00.003+08:00

and here comes number 6...

the number of deaths have really gone out of hand lately... within less than a month, i have 6 people who died, who are related in some way or another to me.

the latest addition to the list are:

Number 5: My Grand Aunt's Adoptive Mother.
Number 6: An old member of Main Wayang MWR, Aunty Nora (Obituaries today)

though i may not have seen them before, or maybe i have, but just dont recall... but a death IS STILL A DEATH.

DEAR LORD, PLEASE MAKE THIS DEATH SEASON STOP... I'M OUT OF SONGS ALREADY!

2008-07-16T22:53:00.004+08:00

Jon sheds a tear...

my eyes were itching soo much today... just had to scratch...

it seemed like i was crying.

what's worse? actually crying, or feeling deep inside that you want to cry but nothing comes out... and your body reminds you that your fire is burining low by making your eye itch...

which is worse?

Argh!!!

2008-07-16T22:19:00.009+08:00

Stress... Stress... Stress... so much to do, so little time... never had a proper day of rest since even before the sch holidays... and national day is coming up, got work to do... then after that got stupid cca training.. dont forget the ICAs and the EXAMs which is rather equivalent to your A levels if you are taking it... fail one or do badly, you screw up your whole life...

life's bad. some things aren't helping.

really really wanna thank XuanMing though... you may think of whatever you want of him, but he is really doing a good job as president of SPAC2GO in my point of view... in a time where the old members are not really happy with the the direction of the club and the steps she is taking, but XM tries his best to fill in the blanks between CCom and us... even though its tough... and everyone feels like quiting... although plotting to quit SP2GO and set up a new club on our own sounds like a rather less stressful thing huh... how about Origami club? hehe... [we were folding paper origami to destress today... thanks Michelle!] or what else? paranormal investigators sound good... XD but all this is just for fun...

sigh..

When the going gets tough, Royston Gets Krank-kaae!!!

Yet another one...

2008-07-11T03:22:00.002+08:00

There have been so many deaths occuring around me, although distant and not directly related... up to date, there have been 4 in the last month...

Archbishop Emeritus Gregory Yong
Former SJI Principle, Br Joseph Kieley
Ying Ying's Dad (shocker) (same day and same cause of death as Archbishop Emeritus Yong)
Mdm Yan's Mother (also my mom's God-Mother's mother, aka my God-Grandma, but i've never seen her before, or even realise that she was still alive till a week ago)

To all you people who've passed on, Shine on us...

To all you people who've yet to die, most probably those reading this post, PLEASE STOP DYING...

and to all those still trying to heal from the wounds, i share this song with you...

One Sweet Day
Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men

I won't be afraid
I'll be alright if you help me
I know you're looking down from heaven
And I won't let you down
I'll be everything you taught me
And all that I know is I'll wait
Patiently to see you in heaven

Sorry I never told you, all I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cos you've flown away, so far away
Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling, knowing you hear me, it keeps me alive
Alive

(Chorus)
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day, one sweet day

Darling, I never showed you (I never showed you)
Assumed you always be there (always)
I took you presence for granted
But I always cared (but I always cared)
And I miss the love we shared

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day, one sweet day

Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Yeah, Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen (you will always listen)
As I pray

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day, one sweet day

And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day, one sweet day

Sorry I never told you, all I wanted to say

My Condolences

2008-06-30T00:17:00.003+08:00

My Condolences to YingYing and your family... this post goes out to you all... and we will all miss your father... but as they say in Brother Bear 2, he is not far away, he will always be there, in our hearts, when we need him...

This song is for you... Bye Bye by Mariah Carey, just want to say that we should never say bye bye to him, for he is there in our hearts...

Bye Bye
Mariah Carey

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Bye Bye
Bye Bye
Bye Bye
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye
bye bye bye bye bye bye
bye bye bye bye bye bye
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

Friday the 13th

2008-06-13T16:54:00.003+08:00

Never knew it was 13 today... thought it was 15... for some reason... and i tot that my library book expired like.. 2 days ago (expires on 13) so like... hiaz.. still havent return... pay fine ba...

anyways, some thoughts... yes, i may be supposed to studying for exams... but... i got bored and searched for some flash games.. and i found this online rpg game... ok i admit its not very nice in a sense its all click here click there this web page that web page, but its getting a little addictive... its called Holy War.. dont know if its old...

anyways, i saw a good fren from sji a week ago... but i didnt say hi... for one reason that he was busy in the restaurant eating and i just happen to pass by outside and saw his face... but this set me thinking... of another friend... i had... if i am to see him along the street one day, how would i react? this question has been bothering me ever since some day close to the day i entered poly... wel, anyway, i have a feeling that my response would be to try to pretend i didnt see and just let fate take over.

"once you love someone, it stays in your heart forever" - Brother Bear 2. yea... i suppose so... its very hard to forget...

*nothing homosexual intended.. think: love thy neighbour and thyself*

For fun...

2008-06-10T02:56:00.002+08:00

Tourette's

2008-06-07T01:57:00.006+08:00

Tourette's syndrome (TS).

Also known as Tourette's disorder, Tourette/Turret syndrome, Gilles de la Tourette syndrome.

TS is "an inherited neuropsychiatric disorder with onset in childhood, characterized by the presence of multiple physical (motor) tics and at least one vocal (phonic) tic; these tics characteristically wax and wane. Tourette's is defined as part of a spectrum of tic disorders, which includes transient and chronic tics."

People suffering from TS often get humiliated and ostracized often - whether people know what TS is or not. This is very often so in Singapore as compared to the western worlds, as its not commonly known here.

How many of you know someone with TS? not a lot, i suppose... as compared to me, i have the rather rare opportunity to know not only one (darren one of my best buds), but i also got to know yuyao thanks to SPAC2GO. (he's not in it, but he was helping in th bus tours for open house)

at first, wen i first met yuyao, i was like the many who dont know about TS (well, i totally forgot since i sort of got inmune to darren's tics) and i tot "what's wrong with this guy?" but the meeting that day was brief... he was a friendly guy nonetheless but our task at hand drew attention made me forget his presence... until i met him for a second time during open house day wen i was doing bus tours duty with him... we stll seldom meet... since i was doing ushering at first and he was the guide in the bus... but he was still friendly... everytime we meet up we would smile at each other and act as if we knew each other for very long... even though it was our second time seeing each other...

then it suddenly occured to me... his tics are quite familiar... and violent too... quite typical... then i thought... Tourette's... and i wanted to ask him about it... but was rather... shy and afraid if he was sensitive about it... and then, just nice, with the school DJs blasting Power98's station out loud, i heard them say at that same moment something about Tourette's as described as people who cant stop twitching... they were actually talking about some dance group or something wasnt really listening until i heard the word which i played in my head a few seconds ago...

wen i went home, i was with Xuan Ming and Yu Yao... so just wen XM wasnt really listening, i plucked the courage and asked him the question: "your this is it Tourette's?" and he looked at me and said "eh how you know..." and i just replied "i have a best buddy he also got..." and that spelt the start of our new friendship... at least more special for him cos its a friend whom he dont need to explain why he tics and for me cos i can understand more about TS and sorts...

hmm... maybe i will come to find the reason behind tourettes next time and research out the gene causing it... hmm... maybe...

And the New King David is Crowned!

2008-05-22T21:44:00.004+08:00

"Congrats to David Cook... Hearts to u Archie..." read my new msn nick...

Davids, well done...

it was a fight i couldnt choose...

Cook won, and Archuleta, runner's up... but i try to take comfort in that usually the runner up gets to be more successful in their career (think clay aiken...) and for the fact that he still has a long way to go for his studies and he'd still have to focus on em rather than a career...

anyways, time to get Idol fever over... tommorrow is another long awaited answer to another fight... Pedra Blanca's fate is out tomorrow... *my Singapore flag is still nicely displayed and i'll not keep it for tomorrow...*

and to end off the American Idol fever, watch this for a good laugh...

WARNING: this is a spoof and its publishing has no intention to hurt anyone.
but be warned, this clip contains a little something against Asians. (this warning comes in view of the news today that another blogger got sent to jail for racist comments.)

Anonymous?

2008-05-15T19:45:00.002+08:00

To the Anonymous in my tagboard, please identify yourself. thanks.

Untitled (as i'm in no mood to give it one)

2008-05-15T19:27:00.005+08:00

The previous post was evil. pure evil. Now on a lighter note,

i now face a problem... yet to be released in singapore local tv, the news that american idol has only the two davids left in the finals... my dilemma is which David to support... Archuleta, the one i can most relate to, well, for partly the reason that he's the same age as me, and the other reasons that his style of singing (power singing) is similar to mine and his song choice too, or Cook, the other pro-singer whom i've been supporting along with Archuleta and has a gift for arranging his own songs...

trying very hard to out aside my desire to kill, a group of us have a new way to relate to each of us... we are all disabled in one way or the other...

Brian - the DEAF one
Donglin - the BLIND one
Shirlyn - the SHORT one
Libin - the DUMB/IDIOTIC/MORONIC one
Me - the LAME one
Xiaotong - the ANOREXIC one

But i think i want to step down from camaraderie and enter emo/anti-social mode like last sem again. i need to start studying... start mugging... Chay Zhu En is scary... i musnt let him steal my distinctions... and he aint the only new and rising threat... 23 is here... (Howw... Jessica...) somehow it felt so good to do my tutorial at library level 2A today as the rest of them were at the usual spot on level 2 playing dai dee again...

tutorials... it reminds me to day that... I'm so proud of myself to finish 4 tutorials within 2 hours, and then Dr Yuen's tutorial within half an hour... Kudos to me...

but tonight, i have to finish up a datashIt due two weeks later thanks to some control freak super tightly scheduled person who i'm starting to dislike more and more since sem 1 when she called me irritating for trying to care.
wow.

2008-05-15T19:16:00.005+08:00

I WOULD HAVE PERSONALLY KILLED YOU TODAY IF NOT FOR YOUR GOOD FRIEND WHOM YOU PUNCHED IN THE FACE

AND IF I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHTS TO, REMEMBER THAT I DID CALL YOU LAST NIGHT, AT 11PM, EVEN BEFORE I REACHED HOME, TO REMIND YOU TO BRING THE "GRAPHS". BUT HELL NO, YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT YOURSELF AND THE GRAPHS THAT YOU YOURSELF FORGOT TO BRING, AND NEVER REMEMBERED THAT YOU HAVE FRIENDS BESIDE YOU IN NEED BADLY OF THE OTHER SET OF GRAPHS YOU POSSESS AND IT CONCERNS LIFE AND DEATH.

I CALLED YOU. DOES THAT GIVE ME THE RIGHT NOW?

Peranakan Museum

2008-05-04T01:09:00.003+08:00

If you dont know by now, i'm a Baba... Peranakan that is...

Just returned from the new Peranakan Museum which opened last week... Main Wayang Company had a performance there... tomorrow too... and, i'm involved in the the whole day of it.. from the Main Wayang Rhapsody (MWR) Choir to the Fashion Show, to the Interactive Skit to learn to speak Baba Patois, to the story telling (well, i helped out...) so busy, but i still got time to walk around the museum briefly...

*for the sake of those who don't know, The Main Wayang Co. is a Peranakan Performing Group. Its pronounced as "mah-in" wayang since its a Baba/Malay word... not in english the "main" wayang co.

Its so exciting... blabbering something and you dont know what, trying to mumble words you just cant seem to remember... singing words you dont understand... (hey... for an 18 year old who just started the culture a few years back, its considered quite good... some of my friends dont even know how to speak a single word from the Baba Patois!) but there are English words too la...

got to know more about others... like Ivan, Ba Richard's Nephew i supposed... one of the 3 men on the runway... and Ba Ivan Chan... Uncle [Pastor] Phillip's nephew (nephew again huh).. first got to know him during ba philip's launch of his "Speaking Peranakan" Handbook... nice guy... and he got to bond with our choir group through... the musical world of a guitar... hahaha... kept playing familiar tunes and ant help singing along... not only me but my bro and also the older men in MWR.. haha.. nice knowing you Ian and Ivan! (realise its just a letter apart? hehe)

And when i walked about the museum, since i was wearing a batik shirt and there was a bunch of people doing this "drama in the museum" thing where they dress up in the Baba and Nyonya attire (Baju Lok Chuan and Baju Kebaya and Baju Panjang), so the public naturally mistook me as one of them... but i entertained them anyway... they came and ask me about the culture... how i got involved in MWC, ask things like what was my favourite food since food was a major thing in the Peranakan culture and heritage, and all sorts of that... it was quite... a pride that i can promote my culture like that.. (some of them were obviously peranakans but hey! its fun anyway...)

and now, lets talk about the museum... The first time i visited the museum building (its the old Tao Nan School) it was the last exhibition that the Asian Civilizations Museum (ACM) held before closing down for renovation (heard it was at least...) i went in and saw a real life Mummy beside its coffin... i was scared... for a primary school kid... (ever thought whats an Egyptian Mummy doing in ACM? it aint Asian...) well, i'm glad now we have our own peranakan museum...

I shall not spoil your fun but i'll just say the highlights of the museum...
I felt most Surprised when: i was in this room, called ORIGINS, and they had pictures of Babas and Nyonyas pasted on the wall... and then, i saw a very familiar face... someone i would never think is Peranakan, but is... but that explains the person's lack of chinese skills and darker skin tone... hmm... I wont say who this person is but if you want to know... you'll have to go down to the museum yourself...
I felt most Proud when: I stood in front of the wedding procession exhibit, and just looked down straight down from the front... it was quite empty with only an angmoh family there... they were playing the traditional music you get when you have a Baba wedding... but suddenly, it just struct me... it was that "Wow! so this is how it is... i feel so... Proud that i have such a heritage!" feeling...
I felt most Sad when: i entered the Death portion of the Religion Exhibit... i wont spoil your fun here... but all i will say is that the funeral scene brought back memories (not Baba ones though... but similar) when my relatives passed away...
I felt most Bored when: i was at the Food section... it was a little dissapointing... or maybe i just cant appreciate Kamchengs... but i did like the Tok Panjang... it was amazing that i finally saw how it is...

there... if i stimulated you to come to the museum to take a look, or if you are one of those wardrobe-Peranakans who dont go around feeling proud of being one, [do contact me thought... roykwok22@gmail.com] its $6 (cheaper than the other museums where its $8), and for students, it half priced ($3) and for tomorrow and next week, it is $2 per entry... and hey! tomorrow i'm performing! so why not come support me! show timings are between 11 to 5.30...

The Peranakan Museum
39 Armenian Street
Singapore 179941

why make enemies?

2008-04-25T23:10:00.002+08:00

why must everyone hold grudges?

why must we all walk past each other and act as if we dont know each other... or worst.. like each other are all non-existent in this world and what is there is nothing but air...

why? we'll still see each other for another year... or two...

the camp's purpose is for everyone to make new friends... but on the contrary, it has spoilt friendships instead... some started out good... but thanks to the many red tapes, we now dont see each other eye to eye... literally...

'm not talking about people you think i am talking about...

i'm talking about people (for those who know) who have done things during the holidays last year that resulted in the souring of certain friendships, not only between me and them, but also them and other people...

Concidence...

2008-03-31T02:55:00.002+08:00

oh my God how much of a coincidence can it be?

firstly, my jersey number is 22, shared with another guy (the only shared one...). my name was Notsyor. his name was inverted. see the link? and we only realised this when we got our jersey...
[22/22, royston/notsyor, INVERTED!]

and then in my camp, got one royston also... apart from me... he's a freshie... won the best camper... budden, i found out, he last time stay in my area one!!! bukit merah!!! haha how much of a coincidence can that be? and, i found out something else too.. but i shall not say...

CLS FO Camp: my word of thanks...

2008-03-31T00:01:00.003+08:00

Its over... finally over... all the stress that we were put through, was worth all of it... on that very last hour... all it takes is just that one shout, that one last cheer from the freshies (from henceforth, i'll call you all freshies, not year ones... yet...)... that one last, loud, united cheer that peered from the fatigue within the campers, and resounded in my ears, and my memory forever... when calvin asked "did you all enjoy the WHOLE camp?" and the response... that one loud, crisp and clear "YESSSSS!!!!!"... it was like an arrow that shot right into my heart... i almost cried as i whispered into elfa's ears "this is the one moment that makes everything all worthwhile..." thinking of it still makes me want to cry...

i want to thank all you freshies for making this camp not only so memoriable for yourselves, but for me too... little did i expect our camp to break with SO MANY BROKEN HEARTS, SO MANY TEARY EYES and SO MANY SINCERE SMILES on everyone's faces... but that one hour where all the OCs and GMs started to cry non-stop, it spells out everything... freshies, i would like to sincerely thank you all for showing me that it all counts to something big in the end, something which no amount of money can buy, something which i've long forgotten but you all have brought it back into my life... thank you all...

and i can never forget my dear helpers... starting with the OC: Simpsons... Calvin, thank you for putting up with the trouble that i gave you.. in certain times where i could not handle it, thanks for helping me out... in times when i wasnt sure of what was going on, thanks for understanding and pointing me the way, and for tolerating all the troubles that i have caused... well, curse that stupid beetle/spider/centipede that messed up the story telling...

and to my fellow assistant camp shief, xavier, thanks for always being the comforter of all mankind (lol)... thanks for clearing up my mess too... if in anyway i (or my people) have created any trouble for you, i'm sorry too... you're a great guy! little did i expect the first person from simpsons to cry was you... lol... but, many many thanks!!!

and to evelyn, thanks for collecting the money and handling all the stuff... jia you!!! sry for the headache that enrollment has caused you (and everyone too)... but the camp was fun with you! hehe...

elfa, i'm ssssssssooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry i stepped on your injured toe before billibanja... i'm terribly sorry!!!!! thanks for being with me whenever i was down... and for everything you've done to make the camp what it was! and is! hehe

my committees under me, GLs (well, last time...) thanks for the joy you've given me... my medic, people whom i can talk to and also, thanks sam and terence (aka boyfriend) and naomi for saving my live time and time again... stupid insect bite again!!! sigh... i think the one person who uses the most medic supplies would be the medic's boss himself.. lol... and my food comm... thank you for bringing joy into my life during those 3 days... made new friends... chicken wing boon kiat, crabsticka and fishcake (what name? sorry i forgot le too many things to remember), and strengthened the existing freindships, like alex the bbq pit, and zhi yin the fish ball... and last but not least, my publicity comm... you all never give me headache in the process of planning... but as for money... still dunno yet... haha but still, THANK YOU!!! *they LOVED THE SHIRTS!!! WELL DONE PUB COM!!!* seriously,, thanks to ALL of you... athirah, waranya, lisa (hay now i realise all the girls end with the "ah" sound...) and bryan...

and those not under me, GMs, thanks for the new friendships... just to point out a few... roy, saiful, shim clarissa/clarence, ted, bryan, and many many many many many many many more which i am very very very sorry i cannot remember all your names.. and not forgetting shao yong and jia sheng... thanks to all of you...

and to the last but one of the strongest committee, logistics!!! *log com oi!* haha this one-man committee consisting of my one and only goodest friend and OREO bro, KING CHI!!! thanks for all the help you've given me... for the times that i cannot carry on anymore, you were there for me... even when i was happy, you were there to go crazy with me... you have given me your assurance and belief in me time and time after time again... thanks... bro, i really mean it from the bottom of my heart, *hugs and sobs* thanks king chi...

and some other people who have helped me through the camp... seniors... just to name a few, charlotte mommy... linus daddy... wei shun... etc... thanks for helping me and also for your words of advice... and to alex who blocked the blow of the belt.whip from the uninvited gang... hope you're ok..

also, camp chief's photographer! jason!!! haha thanks for being our photographer... you take GREAT pictures... how'd your competition go? haha thanks for your words of advice too...

simpsons, fockers, pontens, medic, food (the bbqs), publicity, log, zius, trojan, sio bak, ting tongs, lovtts and all stars, from the bottom of my heart, i thank you all for every role you played in the camp... you have made me grown more to be what Royston should be... through all our obstacles and triumphs, you have made me stronger. thanks...

Holy Week, Good Friday

2008-03-22T05:37:00.003+08:00

Its good friday today... its also day one of prep camp for our FO... spent the day at pasir ris.. tired... walked up and down... guess i should rent a bike for the days... should i?

(i really hope that the change of hands of the LG and DOOF would be confirmed... its better that way... and anyway, i apologize for adding to the tension...)

And finally, this is the Holy Week... 3 years ago, i only knew he existed... 2 years ago, he brought faith into my life... 1 year ago, he took everything away... our friendship, our tears and joy, and my faith... and this year... this year, its just nothing... nothing at all...

Today is Good Friday... and it also marks one year that my grandma has passed on... well, not really... the thing is, she passed on last Good Friday... and today is the next...

hshs sigh... its now 5.49am in the CLS Clubroom.. i;m still awake.. am i going to sleep? dunno... maybe.. maybe not... freshies coming tomorrow.. well.. about 2 plus hours really... YAY!!!

then its continue for prep camp, doing billy banja at clark quay agaain! hehe.. whee!!!!!

2008-03-20T00:33:00.011+08:00

RESPECT
give me that now.

(and save me the trauma)

warning: dont read unless you're open-minded.

2008-03-16T05:15:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna make this quick...

To all my Christian friends, take no offense in this video link that comes up later, cos this is forstly my blog and secondly, i hope you can view this with utmost respect for what i'm going to say AND also treat it with OPENESS.

here is the link

The video talks about a gay boy who's brought up as a Christian but then turned away due to many reasons. then, on youtube, this other person tries to convert him back again, and this is his video response.

What i agree with him is that

WARNING: Please navigate away if you didnt like what you heard in the video, or if you are a very staunch Christian or if you are a stubborn person or if you are not open enough. NOW.

What i agree with him is that many of the religions now are brainwashing their followers. in fact, its not only now, it has been on since the days of the bible. many people are always saying this line "those who do not believe in so-and-so are going to hell" for the record, the so-and-so would be some higher being names from up there, not that theres only one. hello, aint God (for that matter not just the Christian God, but Gods as a whole, of all religions) supposed to LOVE everyone? to FORGIVE AND FORGET? isnt LOVE the most powerful thing on earth? isnt it what runs the earth? and if someone is not of that particular religion, what makes you think that God would leave him to die in misery? to live his life in nothing but shame? suffering? before and after death? if God loves them too, why create a hell where bad people go to when they die?

now that aside, being that philosophical religious context are touchy subjects, lets go on to another related but more alarming issue: evangelism. coming from a Catholic educated backgroound, i understand what is means and why it is important. however, i've noticed that there are many religions now that are using many underhand means tospread whatever they are preaching. its okae if the person you trying to speak over to is a willing party WHO UNDERSTANDS RELIGION, but many of them dont, especially the understanding religion part... they would just follow blindly and end up in a place where they'd have no say why they're there, and ultimately not understanding the underlying meaning of their religion. many people are preaching what they read off their holy books right in context! but let me remind you all, that these books were written AGES AGO and may not apply to our lives NOW. its not that the writer is God himself, or some other Nostradamus, who can read the future... even the authenticity of Nostradamus and his interpretations are questioned!

so please, i beg of you people, stop evangelising just because your leader/pastor tells you to do so... do it for love, and let the person choose if he wants to go or not, not to force him to go... AND PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! STOP DOING ROADSIDE AND DOOR-TO-DOOR EVANGELISM!!! you know what, i think it is actually illegal for some evangelists to do what they are doing... i was once walking out of SP, and i was aproached by not ONE, but A FEW evangelists trying to spread the word of God. not that i'm against that, but they didnt seem to be from SP, too old to, and also they did not bear the crests of ANY of our SP's christian CCAs logos! theres like a few christian churches around our campus! and mind you, doing/selling something within a school ground without the permission and authorization of the schools' authority IS ILLEGAL!

i've said my piece, and i hope you're not offended. even if you are, i've warned you so theres nothing much you can do.

stressed.

2008-03-07T17:01:00.002+08:00

today seemed to be a fairly O.K. day... goods and bads...

in the morning i went with Athirah to sunset way to look for the supplier to negotiate the price andc to check the quality of the shirts... she was kind... very helpful.. better than that andrew guy... just needed her quote to come in... BUT when it came in, i was sad... cos in the end it was still over my budget at $8 per shirt... reason: I FORGOT TO ADD GST. why must the gst rist to 7% again? sigh.

so i had to find other suppliers. i managed to contact a cheap one last night and i needed to confirm and to meet up with her today for some stuff... BUT SHE like andrew, NEVER PICK UP MY CALL.
Pissed.

then also, there's this other supplier, she said something over the phone that pissed me off. well, some things. i called them 2 hours ago and sent them an email too as they have requested. and i waited. and waited. and waited. until SAA was about to close in half an hour, i called them. and then they said "not so fast la! you just called half an hour ago only!" yea right. and you just had to add the next line "is it you already got a supplier and just need my quotation?" ya right. now, if your quotation is under 7.50, i'll consider it. BUT, if it is like. more than that, no way. i even want to black list you...

and finally, my last hope, PLEASE MR CHAN! please give me a good reply! be the bringer of good news!

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2008-03-05T02:26:00.003+08:00

Hi all CLS members, present and future, past even...

the School of Chemical & Life Sciences Club will be having their Freshmen Orientation Camp on the 26th to 28th of March.

Details (flyer) are attached below:

Also, the Games Day (previously known as Day Tour) will be held on the 4th of April, 9am at T11A. those who wish to help please approach Shao Yong. those freshies who managed to google into my blog, please approach the same guy to enquire about the event. if interested, please send me an email to obtain his number, or simply leave a tag, though email is prefered.